Sunday, January 20, 2008

Not For The Weak or Anyone Easily Offended

Every once in awhile I look around to see what kind of research is going on. Today I found that the University of Pittsburgh, in an apparent effort to determine if it was feasible to market a home test kit for Chlamydia and Gonorrhea enlisted 403 women to take part in a study called
Home Screening for Chlamydia Surveillance.

As a result, even though you may be tired of vaginal cream and home pregnancy ads, this may be coming soon to a TV near you:

I have already been told that this is disgusting so there is no need to debase me any further, but sometimes my sick mind just has to prevail.

Advertising Target: Women

Video – a woman on toilet with a pained expression holding her hand in between her legs and then pulls out a cup about ½ full of urine. Then she places a few drops from a small bottle into the cup. When the liquid turns to red she screams.

Announcer:
Do you suffer from a painful or burning sensation when urinating, increased vaginal discharge, or vaginal bleeding between periods?

Then you should try Chlamydiscope*, the home test kit for Chlamydia and Gonorrhea. Why in just minutes you will know if it’s time to make some very important phone calls.

Video: cut to split screen of woman on phone on the left and man on phone on the right – note as the woman yells louder and louder, obviously cursing, the man pulls the phone further from his ear. The last words the viewer softly hears is you'll pay for this you miserable (cut to silence).

Advertising Target: Men

Video – in a view from the back a man is standing in obvious pain if front of a toilet (loud groans heard in background). In his left hand he is holding a cup and when it is about ½ full he sets the cup on the tank lid, zips up (loud zipping sound) and groans loudly again.

He picks up a small bottle that is sitting next to the cup and adds two drops to the cup. When it turns red he yells something unintelligible and stomps out.

Announcer:

Do you experience a burning sensation when urinating, or a white, yellow, or green discharge from the penis? Or do you have painful or swollen testicles? Can’t get a Dr.’s appointment until next week? Try Chlamydiscope*, the home test kit for Chlamydia and Gonorrhea and you will know right away if it is time to make a few calls.

Video: cut to split screen of man on phone on the left(man is looking at the floor with fear, talking softly and is attempting to reason with the woman) and woman on the right – note look of shock on the woman’s face as she slams the phone down so hard the glass on the table breaks from the impact.

The study is real, the ad's, well, that is my sick mind at work but I would not put it past the drug companies if they thought they could pull it off.

* TM

2 comments:

holly said...

i totally love your sick mind at work. does that make me sick too?

my husband and i frequently *reword* current commercials such that they start "Are you a moron? Do you suffer from stupidity? Then you need our ...yadda yadda."

mielikki said...

lol. What they should add to the split screens is a Brady Bunch like square where all the positive people are calling all the other people they've been indescreet with. . .