Monday, December 29, 2008

Video of the Year

This clip from Peace through Music is my favorite video of 2008. Enjoy.

Thursday, December 25, 2008

Wednesday, December 24, 2008

Saturday, December 20, 2008

A Toilet Anniversary

370 days ago I published "A Kaotic Mystery". 370 days later I am forced to write a mia culpa because you see I tried to drown my own cell phone yesterday. Th

The story is no where near as interesting or funny and the ending was quite different since I was able to retrieve said phone before any damage could be done. But none the less I must admit it is quite simple to have a cell phone fall into a toilet.

This one did not fall out of my pocket as was the case in the story a year ago. I was just getting ready to spend a little time in the loo and was going to set my phone down next to the sink. For some reason my hand decided to throw the damned thing instead and guess where it headed? Straight for the toilet of course. Before it hit the water a very loud god-dammit passed my lips.

Not knowing what had just occurred, NanaKaos asked if I was OK. By that time I had rescued said implement from it's downward journey to become hopeless stuck just like last year and fortunately it did not appear to suffer any water related damage. That is most important since I have only had the phone a little over a month after losing my prior phone on November 1.

The moral of the story: 1. Don't walk into a restroom with your cell phone in your coat pocket and 2. if your hand has a mind of its own, don't carry your cell phone on approach to a toilet.

Friday, December 19, 2008

Right of Conscience

Dateline Washington Post:

"The Bush administration yesterday granted sweeping new protections to health workers who refuse to provide care that violates their personal beliefs ....The far-reaching regulation cuts off federal funding for any state or local government, hospital, health plan, clinic or other entity that does not accommodate doctors, nurses, pharmacists and other employees who refuse to participate in care they find ethically, morally or religiously objectionable."

How does this impact you? Aside from the standard argument about limiting abortion opportunities or birth control if the cashier at Wal-Mart is one that follows strict Catholic doctrine, you can be denied basic health care if anyone at any level objects to any treatment based on a personal belief.

Let that sink in for a little bit.

Got it?

Does your child have an infection? Maybe something that requires an antibiotic. You go to the Doctor and get a prescription, then on to your pharmacy. When you hand the prescription to the clerk they tell you that the prescription cannot be filled because they object to providing a child with this type of medication. Maybe they don't even tell you that much, maybe they just say that they will not pass this on to the pharmacist. No further explanation.

What to do oh what to do. So you ask to see the pharmacist and they tell you no, my beliefs prohibit me from allowing a child to take an antibiotic.

Maybe you just want to buy pack of Trojans, a bottle of wine or a pack of cigarettes, sorry but no can do....my religious beliefs will not allow me to sell those items. Don't think it won't go that far because it could.

Under this rule so lovingly provided to us in the waning days of number 44's administration the store/company that this individual works for has no recourse against the employee and it is the employee's decision to withhold service.

If you agree with this new and absurd rule or don't believe it will impact you just go about your daily business but don't get upset when some holier than thou creature refuses to acknowledge your rights by proclaiming their rights supercede yours.

If you don't agree call this number (202) 456-1414. In case you don't recognize it, it is the number for the White House. Call and tell Bush that you will not abrogate your right to health care. Current Civil Rights law provides for employers to protect the right of anyone with an objection to providing a service that violates their beliefs and still serve and protect the right of the consumer.

This new rule put forth by the Bush administration is just another attempt to make it more difficult for women to obtain an abortion but it is so vague that virtually anyone can limit your right to any medication or procedure.

That number again - (202) 456-1414

Thursday, December 18, 2008

You'll Like This

Before you hit play, stop the music.


Monday, December 15, 2008

Who Loves Ya Baby?

Everyone seems to think that the most difficult issue facing President elect Obama is the economy. While I agree that this will require an effort not seen since the early 1930's, it will not be as demanding as restoring the image of America and the office of the President.


Even before the first shoe flew in Iraq, our standing in the eyes of the world has diminished greatly in the past eight years and the person in command has denigrated the office he will soon vacate to the point that POTUS, formerly known as an acronym for President of the United States, now stands for Pile On The Unstable Shiite.

While the President and everyone in the media appear to be having great fun with this story, it is sad that we have taken the act of a disconcerted Iraqi citizen and turned it into a comedy routine. No wonder the world views us with such disdain. Good luck Mr. President-elect!

Friday, December 12, 2008

Time

There is a song by the Chambers Brothers, Time Has Come Today, that I used to have as a ring tone on my cell assigned to our realtor. If you understand the logic of that you may be as optimistic as I sometimes try to be but mostly I remain a cynic that cannot possibly believe that any good can come when the temperature dips below 40 degrees.

A friend that convinced me to join a civic group, even though I have never been one to do such a thing, has lately been harassing me because I have not attended the meetings of said group. You see, they take place every Thursday at 0700 (that's 7:00AM for you non-military types).

Now during the Spring, Summer and Fall season I don't seem to have a problem waking early enough to attend the sessions, but once Jack Frost appears and the 2nd blanket hits the bed, I don't seem to be able to pull my sorry ass out of the warmth surrounding me that early in the morning.

Yesterday afternoon he called me, after I missed yet another meeting, to see if I wanted a wake up call each Thursday. I told him if I wanted that I could set an alarm. But you see, since I retired, time has no meaning.

Oh, by the way, happy birthday mom!

Thursday, December 4, 2008

Strong Desires

This morning I watched last nights episode of The Daily Show (we were watching a movie last night, Man on Fire). Sometimes I will tune into another channel when he brings his guest out but this morning I stayed with him just to hear what Arianna Huffington was going to go on about.

For anyone that did not see it, she has written a forward for a new book, The Huffington Post Complete Guide to Blogging, and Jon was helping her pimp the book.

What I found interesting was when she talked about what people should blog about, that being things they are passionate about.

When I create a post it is generally about something that I might be serious about, something silly that I make fun of or just something that has pissed me off and I'm serious and may even make fun of it or them. I never really thought about "passionate composition", especially since I have never really had a single, all consuming passion (well maybe except for golf).

According to the online version of the Merriam-Webster dictionary, the origin of passion appears to come from the Latin, pati - to suffer. This would imply that if you become passionate about something you will suffer and with the current state of my golf game I can understand that. Of course, passion is also associated with love which can also lead to suffering.

Anyway, before I get so involved in defining passion I forget what I wanted to say, I started thinking about a few things in my life that I was passionate about. The obvious, even though I did not (and still don't) always show it I have been and remain passionate about my family. Many times it appeared that I was more passionate about my work but that is far from true.

When I was but a wee lad, I was passionate about baseball, I would play the game at every opportunity, why I even took some $$ from my dad's wallet to buy some cleats (I got caught after the fact).

As a teenager, I was passionate about my baseball card collection that somehow was sold at a flea market while I was away from home but I was also passionate about surfing and skateboarding.

Now my passion (again aside from golf) is my desire to spend my remaining time with my family, a passion so far denied but hopefully soon to come.

P.S. If you Google passion the first hit is for passion.com, a site for private sexy personals. I wonder how they decide on what to put at the top of the list?

Monday, December 1, 2008

Wednesday, November 26, 2008

Pardon Me

I was arrested with 1.4 million dollars worth of cocaine in my briefcase but I am innocent. Who am I?















My name is John Forte and thanks to Carly Simon, Orrin Hatch (yes, the guy from Utah), and my good buddy Dubya, I have been pardoned for my crime.

The question is, how can someone that insists they are not guilty accept a pardon for a crime they say they did not commit?

Tuesday, November 25, 2008

Who's Helping Who?

Most financial advisers in this country provide a single line of advice to consumers, avoid credit card debt. If you are in hock to the credit industry, get out as soon as you can and if you aren't, good for you and stay that way.

There is also a general agreement that the average household is holding somewhere around $8,500 in credit card debt. If it is true and with the advice that we should avoid that type of debt, one has to question the goal of the bailout packages that have been handed out to Citigroup and the like.

Does it really make sense to provide more money to lenders so that they in turn will help the American consumer go deeper in debt? After all, part of the reason we are in the mess we are in was because home buyers were encouraged to go into debt for more than they afford and the plan is to increase the debt load by getting banks to loan more money?

It makes more sense to take the bailout money and help the average household eliminate their debt, be in mortgage or credit card or what ever. If we are going to act in a socialist manner, let's at least help the person struggling to put food on the table or keep their car instead of the person that can't decide whether to fly to St. Moritz for Thanksgiving or take their yacht down to Key West.

Our president elect seems to think that trickle down economics is not the path we should be on, yet that is precisely the avenue we are taking.

Sunday, November 23, 2008

Saturday, November 22, 2008

What Old People Do

I don't think of myself as one of the old people group, hell I'm only 61. To me the old guys are the ones that sit around the food court at the mall and talk about what the good ole days were like or all of their aches and pains. Or maybe its those that never leave their Senior Citizens apartment complex unless it involves a trip to the Doctor (or by ambulance to their final destination).

But yesterday, during a conversation with one of the guys I share a golf cart with I found myself talking like an old guy. He told me that he was going to have an endoscopy. The doctors call it a minimally invasive medical procedure. If you have ever had one you either an old guy or someone with a problem and you would know that it goes a little beyond minimal.

In any event, I found myself giving my golfing buddy advice. Not medical advice but economic advice since we both have the same health plan. You see he has not yet met his deductible this year since he is relatively healthy. After spending almost $5K in medical insurance premiums it takes another $2,750 each year to meed the individual deductible under our plan.

So, as the end of the year is near I told him the ought to think about having the procedure right after the first of the year. That way he might come close to meeting his deductible next year and would then limit his out of pocket expense if God forbid something else happened (like at trip to the emergency room after trying to slice your thumb off, which he did this year. He was trying to save the Koi in his pond after he lost power but that is another story.)

The minute my advice came out of my mouth I told him now I'm talking like one of the old farts in the Villages in Florida. Then I thought of the elderly lady at the pharmacy the other day that asked me if that was an earring in my ear. After her daughter said, "oh mom, what's wrong with you" the woman said well maybe he is just young at heart.

Evidently she thought I looked old that day.

Friday, November 21, 2008

Thursday, November 20, 2008

Talkin Turkey- Thursday Bonus

I must warn you that this video is somewhat disgusting but it says a great deal about the former VP candidate. While it is sickening I also found it to be quite funny that she could be so oblivious to her surroundings.

T is for Tamales

The word, maverick, was used so much in the past year or longer that I became nauseated every time I heard it. However, NanaK and I do consider ourselves just that when it comes to traditional eats during the holidays.

While most of you have what I am sure is a lovely turkey dinner, or ham, or prime rib for Thanksgiving and/or Christmas, we have always moved in a different direction.

Perhaps it comes from my roots. We always had Christmas Eve with my fathers family and we never had turkey. We did have potato sausage and lutefisk (for those of you not familiar with this it, is a whitefish soaked in water for a number of days and prepared with caustic soda or lye. The name literally means "lye fish"). I don't recall ever enjoying a bite of lutefisk but I did like the potato sausage and the orange rye bread that came from the local Swedish bakery.

So, in the non-traditional way of my paternal family, we switched from turkey/ham/beef for Christmas to gumbo (yea gumbo), and this year, for the first time we return to our maverick roots and will prepare a traditional holiday feast of tamales (you might guess that one of our favorite foods just happens to be from the Hispanic side of the food spectrum).

When we were young ins there were two Hispanic families in our neighborhood that always fed us well (they were very nice to us poor little gringos). Perhaps that is why we have a predilection toward Mexican dishes but there was also a famous Chinese cook in our neighborhood that provided many sumptuous dishes. That makes it a difficult choice for me to say one is a favorite over another.

While I prepare many different types of Chinese dishes, they just don't seem right for the holidays. So, we will prepare tamales and chili for for Thanksgiving dinner and gumbo for Christmas dinner. For New Years, we will honor our Southern roots and will have Black-eyed peas and Hoe Cakes.

P.S. - when I did the spell on this post, it did not like Lutefisk, well neither does NanaK or myself.

Wednesday, November 19, 2008

Wordless Wednesday

There is a gay and socialist facisim in this country according to Newt Gingrich! He leaves me speechless which is why I called this wordless Wednesday.



Tuesday, November 18, 2008

Saturday, November 15, 2008

Wednesday, November 12, 2008

New Technology

I usually don't blog about TV shows but I am going to make an exception today. Yesterday I watched an episode of Boston Legal online. Since they switched it to Monday nights I don't have a chance to watch it then and since it is available online I catch up when I can, but I digress.

This particular episode was about an old love of Alan (James Spader) whose husband was arrested for the murder of his nurse (and lover). But that is not the reason I choose to write about this show.

It is really about the miracle of modern medicine, research and diagnosis in particular and how technology has evolved in the medical field.

The story really goes back an episode when it is revealed that Denny Crane (William Shatner) has a problem with blood flow that causes limpus erectus. After a visit to the doctor, he comes away with a monitor attached to his tool so he can make note of the frequency and time of stimulation and it comes with your choice of ringtone.

Back to Alan's ex....while they are discussing the case you here the sound of a rooster crowing, once, then twice. It is then that Denny explains to Alan that he has the monitor implant but he will switch it to vibrate to eliminate the interruptions.

When they finally get to court (the judge is a very attractive lady), the trial is constantly interrupted by a loud humming noise.

The episode was titled True Love but I think it should have been a State of Arousal.

Tuesday, November 11, 2008

Sunday, November 9, 2008

Shattered Dreams

We live in a very quiet, safe neighborhood or at least it was that way until sometime last night or very early this morning.


Every Sunday I get up and go out to get the Sunday paper. We don't get one any other day of the week so we kind of look forward to going through it. I read the sports, the editorials and the national and international news sections. Oh, I forgot the comics.


Normally I will go through the garage, out the side door and through our gate. We seldom use our front door. This morning, for some reason I went out the front door to pick the paper up and when I headed back to our house I noticed something different. There was something about one of our windows that did not look right.




















Then I realized what it was, someone had taken a shot at our house and there was a good sized hole in the glass and the window was cracked up and left and down and right. I looked around a little to see if there were any signs that any other houses had been defiled and did not see any.

When I went inside the first thing I did was to call the police. An officer showed up within about 10 minutes, looked at the glass, asked if there was any other damage, said it looked like it came from a pellet gun, took my name, phone number and SSN, gave me an incident number and left. He also commented on the 20 or so turkeys strolling through our cul-de-sac. They were everywhere, on lawns and walking down the middle of the street....he had to swerve around them when he entered the neighborhood and it is one of the things we really love about living here.


Nana Kaos wanted some pictures of the turkeys so she grabbed her camera but they were all gone, guess they are afraid of the police. Anyway before she went back in she saw the projectile that attacked our window.

















As you can see, it was a pretty good sized pellet. We were lucky it did not penetrate the window completely and come through into the house. If it had it would probably have hit our china cabinet causing damage that would have enraged me well beyond the pissed off feeling I already had.

Since our house is on the market I had to call our real estate agent to let her know that until we can get the window replaced it would be best if we did not show the house. I would not want to have to explain how such a wonderful neighborhood has to contend with random shootings.


All we can hope is that it was some kid out fucking around and that we were not targeted for some reason.

Saturday, November 8, 2008

Postscript to Cheers & Jeers

Jeers - To the portion of the population in California that has suffered under constant discrimination for as long as they can remember....shame on you for your overwhelming support of proposition 8.

Jeers - to the designer of the dress worn by Michelle Obama on election night. The red patches on the black dress was one of the worst designs I have ever seen.

Friday, November 7, 2008

When Autumn Leaves

Winter has finally arrived in the midlands. No, we did not get any snow (that four letter word we love to hate) like they did north of us but the temperature has dropped to a bone chilling level, especially with the wind (gusts up to 40 mph).

While we are not quite ready for it to be here, we will have to deal with it. I have not yet cleaned up the yard of leaves since they have not all left their home in the trees. I refuse to do the cleanup more than once and I don't like to do even then.

We have also not yet stored the last vestiges of our summer patio furniture, it may get to its winter home under the deck this weekend (note to anyone that buys our home this winter, it will still be there when we leave). The last of our summer greenery was removed from their beds yesterday and I did prime and start the snowblower today.

Speaking of snowblowers, a friend of mine discussing the subject of moving away from here once said he did not really know where they would move when they did but they would just start driving with the snowblower on top of his vehicle until someone asked him what that thing was and he would stay there. Not really a bad idea if you really hate the snow.

Thursday, November 6, 2008

Election Day - Cheers & Jeers

Jeers - to the voters of Arizona (and not just for McCain)

By a margin of 12% the voters of Arizona vote to recognize a union between one man and one woman as a valid or recognized marriage. The 18-29 age group voted against the measure by a margin of 4%.

Jeers - to the voters in Arkansas.

By a margin of 14%, the populace of Arkansas voted to not recognize the gay population as contributing citizens of this country by denying them the right to become foster parents or to adopt a child. The only group to vote against this measure was the 18-29 age group but not by a wide margin (10%).

Jeers - to Californiacators

The trend setters voted to ban gay marriage by a margin of only 4%. The 18-29 crowd voted against the ban by 22% but the old fogies voted for it by the same margin. The middle crowd, 30 - 64 carried the day. The voters of Florida also deserve a jeer for the same reason.

Cheers - to the voters of Colorado

They turned down a measure that would have amended the state constitution to define the term "person" to include "any human being from the moment of fertilization." The measure would essentially have had the effect of banning abortion.

Cheers - to Iowa voters

Iowa voters decided to change the language of the State Constitution to describe people not entitled to legally vote by removing the phrase "idiot or insane person" and adding a "person adjudged mentally incompetent to vote."

Cheers - to Michigan voters

The proud people in Michigan voted to allow for the use of medical marijuana and to allow stem cell research.

Cheers to Washington voters.

The fine people of Washington voted to allow for medical mercy when individuals are not predicted to live longer than 6 months (I don't like the term assisted suicide).

Wednesday, November 5, 2008

Monday, November 3, 2008

Friday, October 31, 2008

Thursday, October 30, 2008

Friday, October 24, 2008

How was your Thursday?

For the past couple of months I have been doing volunteer work in hopes of a successful campaign to elect Barack Obama.

For about 2 hours several nights a week I make phone calls, the type I always hated to receive because I felt the caller was imposing on my private time. Most of the calls go unanswered, probably because caller ID shows Democratic Party. When they don't answer, we just keep trying until they tell us they are going to vote for Sen. Obama or because they voted early their name is removed from the call list.

When someone does answer for the most part they are respectful, even if they support McCain. I talked to one small business owner who was leaning toward McCain and by the end of our conversation I had convinced him to at least take another look at Obama by going to his WEB site and reading up on his tax plan....well at least he said he would.

Then again, there are some that are not so nice, they slam the phone down or they pick up and play like they are not there. But there is one that I will not forget, she is from Oakland, Iowa and when she answered the phone last night she said "this is an independent household you commie pinko", click.

I'd like to say this did not hurt me but I can't. Oh, I considered the source, laughed it off and shared the calls content with the others around me. But it did hurt....not my person but my soul because this type of person can't get past their petty nature.


So, have I become one of those assholes that interrupts a peaceful evening? Probably, but at least it's not a computer calling with a vicious attack message.

Thursday, October 23, 2008

Wednesday, October 22, 2008

Saturday, October 18, 2008

Despicable Bastards

There are very few people that I can say I truly dislike (that is short for hate) and most of them I have have not met and don't even know. They are out there though, lurking in the deep dark water like a carp, sucking things up from the mud. Today we experienced the impact of those that dwell in the wasteland and don't have the courage to do their dirty deeds in broad daylight.

We have proudly displayed the sign below in our yard and two of our neighbors had similar signs.





















This morning we woke up to find that some despicable person or persons (we suspect that is was a McCain supporter) had removed the sign from our property and from the property of our other neighbors. This has happened frequently in our fair city and many Obama supporters have started to coat their signs with various liquids. We now have a new sign that has been sprayed with PAM so if someone steals this one at least they will have a hand that is as slippery as they are.



This type of activity is no different than someone at a McCain/Pailin campaign event yelling "terrorist" and "kill him" in reference to Senator Obama. Even though McCain claims that he refutes this type of action, his campaign continues to progress the terrorist affiliation in their Robo propaganda calls thus encouraging his supporters to disrespect our right to freedom of expression.



So now we have a new sign that was hand painted with care by the staff at the local Obama campaign headquarters.























The sign is 4' x 8' and if someone steals this, we will replace it with another of similar size, or larger and will continue to put up new signs until after the election.

Friday, October 17, 2008

Case Logic or why McCain is losing.

There are now 18 days left for each candidate to make their case before the American electorate. Even though it appears that Barack Obama has the edge, there is still enough time for John McCain to make a comeback. As he says, he is a fighter and unfortunately and contrary to his continued claims about running a respectful campaign his campaign and those that support him continue to attack the character of Senator Obama. Some of the attacks are direct (he pals around with terrorists) and some are oblique.

The latest from his staff and supporters are nothing more than shameful, down and dirty.

Example #1:












Does anyone see anything other than direct racism in this reference to Obama not looking like any president on our currency? Let's see....fried chicken.....ribs.....Kool-aid, and oh yeah, what's that....why it's watermelon.

This was sent out via e-mail and regular mail in the October newsletter by the Chaffey Community Republican Women, along with a statement that says if Obama is elected his image will appear on food stamps instead of dollar bills like other presidents.
The group's president, Diane Fedele said "It was just food to me..."

Example #2:

The official Web site of the Sacramento County Republican Party compared Democratic presidential nominee Barack Obama to terrorist leader Osama bin Laden and urged people to "Waterboard Barack Obama." The site contained the following image:

















So John, if this is your idea of a respectful campaign God help us if you are elected on November 4th.

Wednesday, October 15, 2008

Friday, October 10, 2008

Friday Forum - Panic on (in) the Street

What follows appears to be sound advice that I received from my financial advisory group.

6 facts to help dispel the fear and 10 key reminders to share with investors

1. In January of 1970, a bear market started that lasted until May of that year. The market during that time fell 35.4%. In May, a bull market began that lasted until January 1973 and brought a 124% gain in stock values.

2. In April 1981, another bear market commenced that lasted nearly a year and brought a 24.7% decline. Then, in March of 1982, the market began to rise and continued doing so until June 1983, bringing an overall gain of 71.7%.

3. July 1990 brought a downward market that lasted three months, until October 1990, at which point equity prices had fallen 22.4%. Then, in the same month, a new, now legendary, bull market took hold and lasted nearly eight years, until July 1998, delivering a 330.7% gain for the market.

4. Dating back to 1975, 8 of the last 15 bull markets have started in the autumn months of September, October, and November.

5. Since 1957 there have been 15 bear markets, as measured from peak to trough, and on average they have lasted 10 months and brought an average decline of 29.4%.

6. The duration and degree of these bear markets were significantly less than the duration and magnitude of bull markets. During the same period, there were also 15 bull markets, which lasted, on average, 30 months and brought average gains of 112.5%.

10 key reminders for investors
1. Panics are based on emotion, and emotions can take on a life of their own. A herd-like mentality develops, and words that start to be used repetitively - such as "collapse," "endless," and "plunge" - only feed the frenzy. But it is important to remember that emotions are not your friend when it comes to making big decisions about your savings, retirement, or college money.

2. Individuals and the professional managers they hire to oversee their long-term assets are investors, not traders. There is a big difference. For investors, what matters is the long run, not today's events.

3. No one is alone in their concerns. We all have lots of company.

4. Panics and downturns are part of the free market system. They have occurred throughout history. While this knowledge may not ease the pain, these sharp, sudden downturns still have to be recognized as part of a cycle that often includes years of slow and steady upward progress.

5. Historically, bear markets, recessions, and market panics have been relatively brief in comparison with the duration of bull markets. Since World War II, economic expansions have, on average, lasted five times longer than recessions, and bull markets have been twice as long as bear markets.

6. Cyclical downturns have historically been connected to credit excesses. This time is no different. Prudence in borrowing will be rewarded in the next cycle.

7. Collapses do not bring everything to a halt. Even during the worst of down times, people still go about their lives, raising children, going to work, and planning for the future.

8. Risk-seeking in the markets has vanished. But the pursuit of risk is a normal state for the markets. U.S. Treasury bills may look smart today, but at some point risk-seeking will return. It always has.

9. The largest government bodies in the world have acted to lessen the severity of this crisis.

10. You cannot control events. You can only control your response to them.

Source: James Swanson, Chief Investment Strategist Corner.

Wednesday, October 8, 2008

Tuesday, October 7, 2008

Small Potatoes

We are hosting a member of Barack Obama's staff for a few days. While we were discussing where he had been and what was available to him while he stayed with us he mentioned that all of his meals were consumed at campaign headquarters, meaning nothing but fast food or at best restaurant food.

With this in mind, I suggested to NanaK that all of the staffers might enjoy a home cooked meal. Since they put in a minimum of 12 hour days, 7 days a week, it was obvious we could not have them over for a meal so we decided to cook something to take to them. Since I am pretty good at smoking ribs, I thought that would be a good thing to feed them. NK suggested potato salad as the side dish and believe me, she makes a mean potato salad.

So, we went shopping this morning for the stuff we needed to prepare dinner for tomorrow evening since I am working there then. Since this was my idea, of course I wanted to help her out with the salad so I began peeling the spuds. That is when I did it.....I stepped all over my dick big time.

She said that she would cut the spuds up and I said that I would do it. Then she said that she did not like the way I cut them, I did not cut them small enough. Well, at that time I should have shut up and just let her cut them her way, but oh no, I couldn't do that! I had to act like I had some authority in the task and said, you're not the one that's going to eat the salad.

I might just have well as taken the knife and sliced my dick clean off after I said that. Here is a lesson for every man out there, if you want silence in the house go ahead and challenge she who must be obeyed. I guarantee you will get it.

Monday, October 6, 2008

November 4, 2008

The election on 11/4 will determine not only how we proceed in the real war on terror but how we defeat the policies that have placed this country and the world in a global economic crisis. It will determine whether or not the millions of uninsured will have a chance to obtain affordable health care or whether or not we will reduce our dependence on foreign sources of energy. These issues and more will be decided upon by the electorate of this country in just under 1 month.

In the time left before the election I have decided to make an effort to provide an unbiased look at the issues. There will be enough mudslinging between now and 11/4 from both sides and your vote for the next President should be based on the issues, not some political hacks idea of an attention getting headline.

Today's issue is health care.

John McCain

Encourages individual initiative and cost control.

Overall plan:

People should be able to take their insurance plan with them when they change jobs. This would remove existing income tax breaks for corporations that provide an employer sponsored health plan. His plan calls for income tax credits of $2,500 for an individual or $5,000 per family to help purchase insurance and would he would expand the use of health savings accounts. Under this plan employers will not be required to provide coverage.

Cost Control:

Under his plan malpractice reforms will be enacted to limit lawsuits and damages awarded. Competition among providers will be encouraged and his plan promotes the use of alternative providers such as a nurse practitioner. His plan all calls for providing consumers more information on treatment offers.

Cost and benefit:

His campaign has not specified an overall cost. Independent examiners estimate that his plan could reduce the number of uninsured by approximately 1 million in 2009.

Barack Obama
Supports private and public contributions to reduce the number of uninsured.

Overall Plan:
His plan will result in the creation of a government regulated clearinghouse that will provide the opportunity to purchase insurance through a new public plan or private insurers. Small business will be provided with a tax credit as an incentive to provide coverage for employees. His plan would expand Medicaid and the State Children's Health Insurance Program. Under this plan employers with a specified number of employees will be required to provide health insurance or contribute a percentage of their payroll toward the cost of the new public plan.

Cost Control:
Utilize electronic health information systems, lower prescription drug costs and improve the prevention and management of chronic conditions.

Cost and Benefit:
When fully in place the overall plan cost is estimated to be $50 to $65 billion. Independent examiners estimate that his plan could reduce the number of uninsured by approximately 18 million in 1009.

Sources: Omaha World Herald/Kaiser Family Foundation/Brookings Institution/Tax Policy Center.

For a biased view of the candidates go to toonlet.com

Thursday, October 2, 2008

On Chickens, an Outhouse and Motorcycles

Along time ago there were two young men and both of them had their eye on a particular young lady. Not the same young lady and the two men had not yet met but they both wanted to impress the young lady they were fond of but did not want to cross the path of the parents of either. Neither was able to live up to the latter goal because of one similar incident.


The father of the first young lady, among other endeavors, raised chickens. The other young lady lived in a country house without indoor plumbing. Both young men met similar fates.



Now I don't claim to know all of the details but the stories I heard go something like this:

One day the first young man hopped on a motorcycle and being somewhat unfamiliar with the operation of said vehicle had a little trouble stopping it when he wanted to. The result was a breech of a section of the building that housed laying hens. Not only was there damage to the structure but because of the incursion, the hens were so shaken that they stopped laying or when they did lay the eggs were bloody.

The second youngster took his motorcycle, not to the chicken coop, but up to and into a newly constructed outhouse. Fortunately, it was vacant at the time, unfortunately for him it was not so new that it had not been put to use.

The episodes evidently were not serious enough to end any chance of a relationship for either of the men since both wound up marrying the young ladies in question, but they both wound up covered in shit

These two men were pictured in yesterday's blog, the one in first picture shown (my father) hit the chicken coop, the second Nana K's father) the outhouse.

Wednesday, October 1, 2008

Wordless Wednesday

Picture #1























Picture #2

Friday, September 26, 2008

Why I hate John McCain

In 1965 I joined the United States Marine Corps. At the time I knew I would end up as possible cannon fodder in Vietnam. I did so knowingly in the hope that any children that I may have in the future would never have to experience the horrors of war.

In 1914 my grandfather went into the trenches of Europe as a Marine in the hope that any child of his would not have to face the horrors of war.

In 1941, my father faced the same decision and he went to war against the Germans (too bad he was in the Army, not the Marines) to keep family from having to face battle in the future.

Luckily, none of my progeny have had to go into battle to save America. But tonight, Senator McCain belittled me and my ancestors when he said that we lost face by giving up in Vietnam and he would consider Senator Obama's plan to be giving up in Iraq.

The plan of a phased withdrawal in Iraq after 7 years of occupation is not giving up. To compare the conflicts in Vietnam and Iraq are an insult to all of the soldiers that have served in both. Even though we were drawn into both wars through misinformation and arrogance the two conflicts cannot be compared or used to justify one or the other or to continue in one or the other.

As a veteran of the Vietnam conflict I say shame on you Senator McCain, even though you suffered as a result of your service, don't you dare insinuate that we are bailing on another country after every thing this country has done during a war that we should not have in been involved from the beginning.

But guess what John, as long as there are bullying bastards like you leading countries, fathers will go to war so their sons don't have to.

Thursday, September 25, 2008

Voting Early

We in the state of Iowa are fortunate enough to be able to vote early, either by mail or in person. This morning 11 citizens for Obama made their way to the County office to become the first to cast a ballot for Senator Obama.

Frankly I did not expect it to go smoothly, I thought that they might not be prepared when we showed up precisely at 8:00 AM. I was wrong! I was the first person to get my ballot and they had everything organized and ready, just like they knew we were coming.

Both NK and I have cast our vote for Barack Obama, soon it will be your turn so don't fail to vote. I have been on the phone drumming up support for Obama and you would be surprised and the number of people that say they will not be voting! It makes me want to reach through the phone and strangle them.

Wednesday, September 24, 2008

Tuesday, September 23, 2008

Friday, September 19, 2008

Wednesday, September 17, 2008

Monday, September 15, 2008

Friday, September 12, 2008

Thursday, September 11, 2008

In Memoriam

today i wept

not for those who died a year ago
but for those who survived

for those who are filled with hatred
those who are consumed with their arrogance
those who cannot understand
that we must live together in this world

they are from america
From israel
palestine
ireland
england

they are from everywhere

i wept when the flag was unfurled
when the bagpipes played
when the people stared, seemingly unfeeling
but with sadness in their hearts

not understanding that we are god’s children
instead of the people of governments
of some defined religion

i wept when i remembered
that we have not found a way
to live together without malice

i wept when the pipes played
and no one was there,
yet the street was full
of those who will never understand

This was written on September 11, 2002.

Wednesday, September 10, 2008

No One Else Has Suffered

On August 31, 2007 Jeff and Peggy Hubbard of Clovis, California attended the funeral of Nathan, their youngest son. He was their second son to die in Iraq and their oldest son, Jason, watched it happen.

"The two were in separate Black Hawk helicopters...on Aug. 22 when mechanical problems sent Nathan’s chopper plummeting to the earth. All 14 soldiers aboard were killed, including Nathan, an Army corporal on his first tour of duty at age 21. Jason, an Army sergeant, witnessed the aftermath of the tragedy from the air, accompanying his unit in disbelief and budding grief to the smoldering wreckage that held the remains of his little brother.

Nathan had joined the Army to carry on what he considered the unfinished business of his older brother Jared, a 22-year-old Marine killed by a roadside bomb in November 2004.

As of yesterday there have been 4,153 other American families that have buried their sons, fathers, brothers and husbands as a result of the folly that is Iraq. I will not say they died in vain but I do believe they sacrificed their lives needlessly and the suffering is not yet complete. But the opportunity to put an end to the mounting count is at hand this November.

The choice is yours, Barak Obama or John McCain. The former will rationally schedule the removal of U.S. troops from Iraq. The latter will keep our brave men and women in that country for an undetermined amount of time, against the wishes of the government of Iraq. So the question is, who gets it?

On the Today show yesterday, Meredith Vieira posed a question to Meaghan McCain about Obama's criticism of her father "not getting it". Her response should send chills down the spine of every American. She said "no one knows what war is like OTHER THAN MY FAMILY, PERIOD."

I guess the Hubbard family doesn't get it, the other 4,153 families don't get it, the families of the 58,159 soldiers that lost their lives in Vietnam don't get it and even the families of the 3 to 4 million Vietnamese or the 1.5 to 2 million Laotians and Cambodians that died as a result of that conflict don't get it.

But thank God the McCain family does.

Tuesday, September 9, 2008

Monday, September 8, 2008

Friday, September 5, 2008

For What It's Worth

The title of this blog is one of my favorite songs of all time. So "Stop Children" and listen to the sound. The sound of the Republican party continuing to declare that we are on our way to victory in Iraq.

Get that, it is 2008 and we are still just "on our way to victory". Yet on May 1, 2003 our illustrious President, a Republican, declared "Mission Accomplished"


















On the final night (thank God) of the Republican convention, Sen. Lindsay Graham continued to lambaste the Democrats for attempting to lose the war in Iraq. A war that was won over 5 years ago as defined by the leader of the Republican party and supposedly of the free world.

One scene that I found quite ironic during Senator Grahams speech, as he talked about being so close to victory was the backdrop on the screen behind him. It was a still of all of the grave markers at Arlington National Cemetery. To the Republicans, it seems, victory equates to death or rather they are proud to show that our effort in Iraq, as misguided as it has been, has led to an increase in the number of crosses now adorning our national cemetery.


To me, this belittles the sacrifice of the brave men and women that have given not just their lives for this country, but their souls. For death is not the only outcome of war. There are just as many if not more that continue to suffer the adverse effects of their valor.

Thursday, September 4, 2008

Wednesday, September 3, 2008

Tuesday, September 2, 2008

Monday, September 1, 2008

Monday Madness

Let's see, what can we talk about today. Oh, I know let's talk about carrying concealed weapons.

To further that, let's talk about carrying a concealed weapon to school. Naturally it is a Texas school, where else.

And just who is carrying these weapons (guns), why of course, the teachers.

The school is located in what must be the rather small town of Harrold, Texas on the Okalahoma border. The total enrollment at the K-12 school is 110 students.

The decision to arm teachers was made after two years of research to determine the best security options for the school according to David Thweatt, school superintendent, even though all students are locked in for the day and security camera's apparently cover the entire school.

Yes, there have been school shootings, way too many. But having teachers, who I thought were trained as educators, also become armed guards may just be a little much.

Maybe they are worried about invaders from Oklahoma. And the way some kids act these day, who knows, maybe the teachers just wanted the option to shoot first and ask questions later.

Sunday, August 31, 2008

You Should Vote for the McCain/Palin Ticket if:

This is for all those undecided voters out there like Aaron (see his comment posted there). I'm not picking on him, just wanted to provide a little food for thought.


You should vote for McCain if you believe that we can survive another 4 years of the Bush economic policy.


You should vote for McCain if you believe that Roe vs. Wade should be overturned and that any possibility of ending a pregnancy should be stopped, even in the case of rape, incest or the threat to the life of the mother.


You should vote for McCain if you think that a war on two fronts is not enough and will be willing to support an attack against Iran while at the same time failing to complete our mission in Iraq or to find those responsible for all of this insanity in the first place (Osama Bin Laden and his band).


You should vote for McCain if you think that big oil's profits have not been excessive and that they deserve further tax breaks.


You should vote for McCain if you want to see jobs currently held by American workers continue to migrate to countries outside of the United States.


You should vote for McCain if you think that offshore drilling will really reduce the price of a gallon of gas (or if you believe that opening Anwar to production is going to help reduce or dependence on fossil fuels).

You should vote for McCain if you believe that McCain chose Palin as his running mate because she is really the right person for the job and not a token female in an attempt to lure former Clinton supporters (which any intelligent woman should consider an insult).

You should vote for McCain if you believe the right to bear arms means that every individual in America has the right to own as many assault weapons as they desire.

And finally, you should vote for McCain if you want to follow him to the gates of hell because that is where he will take us.

Saturday, August 30, 2008

Friday, August 29, 2008

Thursday, August 28, 2008

Freedom

I have a very strong belief that individuals ALWAYS have the right to express their opinion unless their actions may cause harm to others, that is until today.

While watching coverage on MSNBC of the Democratic Convention this afternoon and evening there persisted a constant chatter in the background. This noise came from a person that belongs to a group that apparently is convinced that the tragedy of September 11, 2001 was the work of of our government.

There were no planes to take out the twin towers, only explosives surreptitiously planted by internal forces....in spite of the film footage we all watched over and over. I guess they believe that all of that was neatly edited to hide the conspiracy perpetrated by our government.

Now I am no Bush fan but there is no way I can believe that even Cheney would come up with something as heinous as that.

The guy using the megaphone repeated over and over and over that "9/11 was an inside job" and was called a wacko by Chris Matthews. I believe that it goes much beyond that and that the freedom of speech should not apply when people like this attempt to spread their obvious message of complete disregard for the victims of that horrific event.

But my biggest regret is that I felt obligated to add to the attention that this idiot received.

Wednesday, August 27, 2008

Tuesday, August 26, 2008

Things to do in Denver when your'e dead

And let's face it folks, the campaign of HRC is dead. So what are the first words out of the mouth of the first speaker televised? Why it is Nancy Pelosi kissing HRC's ass, thanking her for her hard work as a candidate.

If any of you watched any of MSNBC's coverage yesterday afternoon you may have seen Chris Matthews talking to 3 women from a group called PUMA (stands for party unity my ass) that are die hard Clinton supporters (actually Matthews eventually called them wackos). In spite of all of the evidence to the contrary, these 3 idiots insist that Barack Obama is a "registered" Muslim.

At first they talked about a Congressional report that confirmed this, then waffled and said that there was a former Congressional investigator that produced the evidence.

When Matthews asked for more specifics the apparent leader of the 3 said I'm not going to tell you. Where in the hell have you people been for the last 7 years? Are you looking forward to more of the same? You need to clean out your little PUMA sandbox because Tommy Smothers is not going to do it for you.

Here is a suggestion for you and your PUMA group. Buy yourselves the Hell Freezes Over CD by the Eagles and play the first cut over and over until you get it or to be more to the point "Get (the fuck) Over It"

Monday, August 25, 2008

Sunday, August 24, 2008

Friday, August 22, 2008

Thursday, August 21, 2008

Garden Party

One thing that drives me crazy is not being able to get a song out of my head, especially when I am trying to concentrate on something else. For that reason, now that I have XM radio in my car, I do not listen to any music on the way to the golf course because invariably the last song I hear will come roaring back at the most inopportune time and once it is stuck in whichever section of the brain controls that, all chances at a focused golf swing are gone.


So what do I listen to? XM channel 150, uncensored XM comedy, unless some comedian like Rodney Carrington comes on (he will frequently sing some sort of lewd song) in which case I will switch over to Air America. But I didn't say all that just to let you know about what I listen to in the car, there is a story behind it.

One recent Sunday morning as I was headed out to play in a member breakfast tournament I drove past an elderly lady in one of the neighborhoods nearby. She was very neatly dressed and obviously on her way to church services.

Since it was such a nice morning I had the car windows down to enjoy the morning air as I listened to some comedian discuss the size of his member and where he liked to put it (anywhere). It is possible that I had the volume up a little too high and this conversation obviously had an impact on the woman walking to her car since she seemed to stare in my direction for sometime as I passed by.

The moral of the story comes from the song Garden Party by Rick Nelson: "But it's all right now, I learned my lesson well. You see, ya can't please everyone, so ya got to please yourself."

Wednesday, August 20, 2008

Monday, August 18, 2008

Grandparents

A 6 YEAR OLD WAS ASKED WHERE HER GRANDMA LIVED.

"OH" SHE SAID, "SHE LIVES AT THE AIRPORT AND WHEN WE WANT HER WE JUST GO GET HER. THEN WHEN WE'RE DONE HAVING HER VISIT, WE TAKE HER BACK TO THE AIRPORT."

Sunday, August 17, 2008

Saturday, August 16, 2008

A Roll of the Dice (or don't leave home without them)

Subtitle: Baby needs a new pair of shoes!

If you have ever been to New Orleans you have probably run into a kid who will bet you he can tell you "where you got dem shoes". If you happened to take the bet, I'm pretty sure you lost it unless someone filled you in before your trip. If you have not been there and plan to go someday, don't fall for the trap (answer at the end of this post).

But speaking of shoes, what you see below is a picture of all of the shoes owned by the Kaos family, Midwest (about 20 pair).


















The majority of the shoes in this picture are 10 or more years old. The total cost of this pile of shoes? We estimate it at approximately at one half the cost of one pair of shoes that look like the one below from a manufacturer's ad.









Would you spend $260.00 per shoe? Do you own 10 houses or have access to a corporate jet (courtesy of your spouse) for all of your travels? If you do, you would probably want to to vote for the Republican running for President this year.


Here is a picture of the proud wearer of these shoes (can you guess where he got the shoes?) Oh by the way there is someone else we know that he seems to like to hang with is in the picture).

























But, if you would not or don't, I would guess that he might not be the person you would think of as someone who might understand what it is like to make your way through this thing called life. Think about it, it's not just about experience in Washington (by the way, that is not necessarily a good thing is it?).

Answer to question # 1....when you get a bet that someone can tell you where you got dem shoes while in New Orleans (or anywhere else), take the bet and tell them that you got dem on your feet.

Answer to question # 2, well, mommy didn't buy them, John McCain's shoes are none other than Salvatore Ferragamo Pregiato shoes that retail for $520 at Neiman Marcus.

Thursday, August 14, 2008

The Stupid Zone

There is one area that is specifically reserved for the male of the species. It is called the stupid zone, and we frequently place ourselves into it.

It can apply to everything we do. We get there in various ways: a trip to a strip club will put one in the "zone", just a few drinks and a few well placed bills can lead to a lap dance and a lap dance just enhances the magnitude of stupid.

I first noticed it on the golf course after a good drive on a par 5, with the wind at my back I actually begin to believe I can hit my next shot 275 yards to the pin with a 3 wood. Of course, I am smack dab in the middle of the stupid zone and will generally either top the ball, causing it to roll around 15 to 20 yards or hit it straight into the tallest grass on the course. In that case I would wind up with a lost ball, and a one stroke penalty....out in 1, back in 2, hitting 3. Since I am still in the stupid zone I might even try the same shot again, out in 3, back in 4 and hitting 5...still 275 yards from the pin.

But what really got me thinking about the stupid zone tonight was that today I noticed that the speedometer on my car went up to 160 mph. When a man sees that, what is his first thought? Well it has to be I wonder if I can really get this thing to go 160? Tempting me, calling me, see if it will do it.

Since I was on a city street, my basic instinct was to resist, fight the feeling. So I did, resist the temptation that is, at least for now. But now that the vision is there, every time I look at the dashboard I will see the number....160 and I'll be back in the zone. I just hope it doesn't happen on some dark deserted straight away where I might just think I can hit that shot.

Friday, August 8, 2008

Olympic Spirit - Report from the Olympic News Network

In keeping with, maybe even enhancing the spirit of the Summer Olympics, two nations have surprisingly added a new event.

Russia and the Republic of Georgia (a former Soviet Republic) have not been friendly for some time. That they have chosen to begin battle games on the opening day of the Summer Olympics can't be a coincidence can it?

Georgia has taken the initial lead in the games by shooting down two Russian jets but it appears that Russia is making it's move with a strong line of tanks known to be headed toward the border.

While the rules have not yet been clearly defined it is certain that the winner will be the country with the least number of dead. Sadly, no gold medals and no Olympic wreaths will be presented, only wooden boxes with the remains of the innocent will be left to remind us of this new Olympic sport.

Thursday, August 7, 2008

Wednesday, August 6, 2008

Monday, August 4, 2008

Saturday, August 2, 2008

Friday, August 1, 2008

Faux Pas

Yesterday I said something that could have got me in serious trouble. NK is in Portland and when she got up she called me and asked me what I was doing.

Not thinking at all I told her t he truth. "I'm waiting for some ladies to leave". Now that has the possibility of a serious misunderstanding. I was waiting and women were involved but it's not what you might think.

There were four of them and I had already gone through four others. I found out later that there were seven more in front of me that I would have to contend with.

But as soon as I realized what I had just said I quickly amended my statement and finished my story. You see I was on the 6th hole at my golf club and about five groups of women had started ahead of me and I was waiting for one of the groups to leave the green when NK called, thus the statement about waiting for the ladies to leave.

Needless to say, it was quite quiet on the other end of the phone until I explained where I was.

Thursday, July 31, 2008

Wednesday, July 30, 2008

Wordless Wednesday


I swear, it's not me!

Yesterday I received the following email from a friend:


Bob works hard and spends his leisure time playing golf.

His wife thinks he's pushing himself too hard, so for his birthday she takes him to a local strip club.

The doorman at the club greets them and says, 'Hey, Bob! How ya doin?'

His wife is puzzled and asks if he's been to this club before.

'Oh no,' says Bob. 'He's in my golf league.

When they are seated, a waitress asks Bob if he'd like his usual and brings over a Budweiser.

His wife is becoming increasingly uncomfortable and says, How did she know that you drink Budweiser?'

I recognize her, she's the waitress from the golf club. I always have a Bud at the end of the 1st nine, honey.

A stripper then comes over to their table, throws her arms around Bob, starts to rub herself all over him and says, 'Hi Bobby. Want your usual table dance, big boy?'

Bob's wife, now furious, grabs her purse and storms out of the club. Bob follows and spots her getting into a cab. Before she can slam the door he jumps in beside her.

Bob tries desperately to explain how the stripper must have mistaken him for someone else, but his wife is having none of it . She is screaming at him at the top of her lungs, calling him every 4 letter word in the book.The cabby turns around and says 'Geez Bob, you picked up a real bitch this time.

Bob's funeral will be on Friday.

My response to said friend was as follows:

Let it be known that the announcement of my death has been greatly exaggerated and I have never been to that strip club and I do not know Candy, the aforementioned stripper or Tony the cab driver.

Tuesday, July 29, 2008

Rotate This

I had to install a few new sprinkler heads today, some were leaking and one stopped moving. It was one of those with a rotating head that you would use to cover a larger area.

While most of the sprinklers are easy to replace; dig the hole, remove old head, replace the riser and screw in new sprinkler, the rotating type come with instructions. Where do they put the instructions? Pasted to the sprinkler so if you try to remove them so you don't forget what the steps are you will destroy them (remember, once you install the new head it is below ground so you will no longer be able to read the directions). So what to do but copy them (unless you have a good memory).

First step, grip the rubber head and move clockwise to set the right border, then move counter clockwise to set the left border. Second step, rotate the entire head clockwise to set the left fixed point while at the same time stick your thumb up your ass (this will keep you still) and then rotate the head counter clockwise.

If you are easily confused, be careful not to rotate your thumb, this could cause you to flinch and you may not get the spray directed as desired. The third and fourth steps advise you how to adjust the fixed borders left and right so don't confuse your left hand with your right hand or you may wind up with mud up your ass.

Other than that it's real simple!

Monday, July 28, 2008

Have all men been castrated?

Or is it just those in eastern Nebraska and Western Iowa?

In any event, one thing that I ignored (or did not learn) from my time in the service was to never volunteer. Yesterday, I spent 3 hours manning the main gate at the local county fair. My job was to allow only those with a pass to take their vehicle onto the fair grounds. All in all, it was pretty boring, most of the time I wished I had brought a book.

However, when a vehicle did approach my post (that's an old military term) without a visible pass I stopped them. Whenever a male was driving and there was a female in the passenger seat, I never heard anything come out of the mouth of the male. He may have started to open his mouth to say something, but the woman always, I say again, ALWAYS, got her mouth moving before he could. And he would just sit there, mouth half open with a dumb look on his face like he was trying to say I'm sorry but she had my nuts removed about 10 years ago so I really don't have anything to say.

NK called them henpecked, I think it is more like peckerless. They must spend most of their time at home (when not saying yes dear, you are right dear) looking for the strongbox she keeps his dick in.

(P.S. - this is not intended to disparage the female gender, it is merely a comment on how the American male has allowed himself to be neutered).

Sunday, July 27, 2008

Sunday Scene

As per my normal Sunday morning ritual, I went out through the garage and front gate to gather up the local rag...the Wierd Herald but lo and behold it was not in it's normal spot. No orange bag laying in the driveway.

I looked across the street and noticed that the familiar object was laying on one of our neighbors driveways and looked back at ours. Then I saw it, recognized it right away. Someone had decapitated a snake and decided it should adorn our driveway. The question is, does this have some meaning, is it a warning of some sort, does someone wish us harm? Is there possible some meaning to the way it is positioned?






Just about everyone has a conspiricy theory about something, and I think I should make one up about this.

Since our house is up for sale and has been for some time, it is my theory that someone, perhaps the same one that keeps removing the for sale signs that point to our house, wants us to consider lowering the price and they think that by tossing a beheaded snake in the driveway we will begin to think that maybe the neighborhood is becoming unsafe, lowering the price just go get away.....maybe it is even our Agent who has twice suggested we consider a reduction (but then he wouldn't steal his own signs....or would he?).

Just in case any of that may be close to why we have a dead, decapitated snake in our driveway, and in case the person or persons that decided to let us have it might stumble across this post, forget it buster (or bustess), the house is what it is and is not going to be reduced.

Oh, by the way, I found the paper in the recepticle the newspaper people attached to our mailbox post that they hardly ever use. Maybe the deliverly person didn't want to chance hitting the snake by throwing the paper down.

Friday, July 25, 2008

The Answer to World Hunger

Huzzah, Huzzah, we finally have an answer to world hunger and it comes from former Presidential candidate Duncan Hunter (who the hell is he, and did anyone beside his family know that he was running for President in 2008?).

Anywho, his resolution to world hunger is to begin to kill species that don't exist, at least, not in the country he planned to begin his kill fest. To feed the starving population of Chad, Hunter wanted to take a hunting trip to shoot down all of the Wildebeest in that country and he would donate the result of the hunt to the starving populace. Only two things wrong, Chad does not allow such hunting trips and (gulp) there are no Wildebeests in Chad.

When Hunter was informed of the problem, he offered to hunt the animals down wherever they existed. So, yesterday, he became infamous as the Countdown worst person in the world.

Thursday, July 24, 2008

With Friends Like This.....

Here it is, the standard answer to the title line: who needs enemies.

Nothing is funnier than 3 practical jokers getting drunk together, until one of them passes out, then it gets hilarious. Or, according to the 2 now facing jail time, it seemed funny at the time.

That is when Matthew Craig Pillers, 22, and Jack Brent Nicholas Keiffer, 19 decided to douse Elliot Tuleja’s groin with cologne after he passed out and proceeded to see if it would burn. It did and the result was second-and third-degree burns on his testicles and third-degree burns on his inner thighs.

But amazingly enough, I have a story that can top this, a self inflicted dousing with fire. This friend of mine on a business trip to Los Angeles discovered that his newly purchased bottle of Savage cologne had cracked in transit from San Francisco to L.A. So, not thinking clearly decided to pour the contents into the toilet in his hotel room. That's not bad, right?

Wrong! Immediately after discarding the flammable material, he decided to take a seat on said john and light up a Marlboro light, using a match. Well, instead of blowing the flame on the match out, he spread his thighs just enough to drop the sill flaming piece of cardboard into the space between his legs, thus exposing his manhood to peril.

Much to his surprise, there was a sudden flash followed by the smell of burning hair and flesh. It seems that pouring cologne into a pool of water in an enclosed bowl does not reduce the alcohol content to a non-flammable liquid. After a rather embarrassing trip to the closed emergency room where he had to explain his predicament (not a dick joke), he had not yet suffered enough indignity.

The next day at the meeting he had gone to L.A. to attend he was presented with a fire extinguisher for future emergencies such as this, along with a new bottle of cologne. Then, a few weeks later, courtesy of NK, he received an anonymous mailing that consisted of the picture of a bottle of Savage, a toilet, and a match with the universal symbol of no (a red circle with a slash through the circle).

Wednesday, July 23, 2008

Tuesday, July 22, 2008

Sometimes the Tooth Fairy Doesn't Leave $$

Then again, sometimes they don't leave much of anything at all. Yesterday I mentioned that we say Hellboy II, it has tooth fairies but not the type that you would want to have sneaking into your bedroom to swap cash for a tooth.

These are little gremlins that can reduce a 300 pound person to dust in seconds, and they swarm like bees and move like the Tasmanian devil. Just the perfect thing to scare the bejesus out of your little one if you have just a touch of evil in you.

You know, like Cosby's dad telling Bill and Russell about the monster in the closet only you can use this one to get them to let you pull the loose tooth. Like if we don't get it out now, the bad tooth fairies will come and the first thing they go after are your teeth, then your flesh and finally your bones. And they don't leave anything behind. Just the thing for a nice bedtime story, eh?

Monday, July 21, 2008

Times have apparently changed or R is for Ridiculous

Before Saturday, I had always believed that if a movie had an "R" rating it meant that anyone under 17 years of age had to be accompanied by a parent of guardian. After going to see Hellboy II it appears that the times have changed but the Classification and Ratings Administration (yes, there is such a body) make no mention of the apparent change.




Take note of the bottom of the movie board....."No Children Under 7 Allowed in "R" Rated Films".

Now I don't have a problem with this restriction other than letting an 7, 8, or 9 year old, even someone that is 10 see an R rated film. Who drew the line at 7 when they will allow a parent to make a decision to bring a child between 7 and 17 into the theater?

Take a movie like Wanted. It is rated R mainly due to strong bloody violence. So we let an immature child over 6 in and it's OK. Something is wrong here don't you think?

Saturday, July 19, 2008

Thursday, July 17, 2008

Redneck Fashion Tips

Here you go ladies, looking for a 100% cotton top at an affordable price. This Walmart shopper from Gardendale, Alabama has the answer. You have probably seen the Hanes for her commercials.....well I'm not sure this is what they really had in mind.






I have to wonder, are they new or did her redneck beau blow out the neckline for her?

Wednesday, July 16, 2008

Tuesday, July 15, 2008

More on the Cover

As much as I respect Chris Matthews and Rachel Maddow (MSNBC & Air America Radio) I have to believe that they give themselves and MSNBC more credit than they (it) deserves. Reading into this you might say that they are somewhat elitist.

I say this because of some of the comments made about the flap over the cover of New Yorker. They believe that the general public will get the concept of the satire intended by the magazine because they are giving it so much air time.

They really should do a reality check and think about who their audience is (hint, it is not the general, beer guzzling, NASCAR watching, fan of Cops TV or American Idol). Their audience consists of those who agree with their message, The average American will not benefit from their insightful repartee so back off a little on the importance of your message, you are not getting through to those folks. Way too many of folks in this country will see the cover and say -
"I knew it, the SOB is a Muslim".