Odds and Ends

Long ago when men cursed and beat the ground with sticks, it was called witchcraft .Today, it's called golf

Birds of a feather flock together and crap on your car.

When I'm feeling down, I like to whistle. It makes the neighbor's dog run to the end of his chain and gag himself.

The older you get, the tougher it is to lose weight, because by then your body and your fat have gotten to be really good friends.

If you think there is good in everybody, you haven't met everybody.

If you can smile when things go wrong , you have someone in mind to blame.

The sole purpose of a child's middle name is so he can tell when he's really in trouble.

You know you are getting old when everything either dries up or leaks.

First you forget names, then you forget faces. Then you forget to pull up your zipper.It's worse when you forget to pull it down.