Dateline Central USA

Fat Sinking Mid-America


The Central portion of the United States is dropping in elevation. In the past year, along a rough line bordering Colorado on the west and Ohio on the east, states have dropped approximately 15 feet in elevation. Experts have now identified the cause of this previously unexplained fall. It seems Middle America’s obesity has finally become a serious issue (see chart).







Experts plan to gather in Colorado (the leanest state according to CalorieLab) to determine what steps to take to mitigate the problem. One suggestion being discussed is to attempt a population shift (massive relocation) east and west of the troubled region. By moving the most obese out of the Central US, the decline in elevation will most likely slow or stop. To counter this move however, scientists claim that healthier people will have to be relocated from the east and west coasts to the heartland. They hope this will serve a dual purpose; stop the elevation change and introduce a healthy lifestyle to Middle America. Of course the risk in this plan the the loss of valuable beach property with the added weight to the coastal regions.

Dear Rudy

Dear Mr. Giuliani:

I have been thinking about your 12 commitments to the American people and I have some questions that, when answered, may help everyone understand why you should even be considered as a presidential candidate.

My concern for the time being is with your first commitment. In it you state that you " Will keep America on offense in the Terrorists' War". It seems to be clear that you intend to stick to or even escalate the current administration’s policy. Your justification for this is that it will shorten the amount of time to win and will reduce casualties and you will accomplish this by increasing the strength and size of the military, I think you mentioned 10 new brigades.

This makes absolutely no sense whatsoever! First you must still be in complete denial or just insane since there will not be any way to win in Iraq, however you define the word. Next, have you overlooked the trouble the military has had getting new recruits interested. Since a typical brigade in this countries military consists of 1,500 to 3,500 soldiers (let’s see that is 15,000 to 35,000 more troops), just where in the hell do you think they will come from? Maybe that mother in Clovis, Ca. will let her last son go back after the funeral of his brother, there’s one.

Oh, I know, we can open up the border and then recruit all of the good non-citizens just dying to get into the good old USA. Hell, most of them will already be adjusted to the heat after days in the deserts of Arizona and New Mexico. No, that won’t work will it. I forgot about commitment number two, your promise to curb illegal immigration by making sure that the big fence gets completed. I'm sure that will keep them from wanting to come into the USA.

Well, even if you can find them, I think you may have also overlooked the possibility that sending more of our fine young men and women into harms way may just increase the number of casualties instead of reducing them.

You don’t have to write me back, now that I think of it, I won’t vote for you in any event. An acquaintance recently said you were a "perv" and I believe her. I just didn’t know you were such a stupid perv. Do you know the good Senator from Idaho?

Hail to the Chief

Dateline Gulf Coast.

The circus is in town and all of the clowns are present. They come in the guise of hope. After 2 years they are still trying to spread the lie that the people of New Orleans can expect help from their leaders. The levees are still questionable, crime is rampant and large areas of the city remain vacant, empty, dark. Even if they wanted to, many could not move back because essential utilities have not been restored or they could not afford to insure any home that might be restored or rebuilt.

But here he comes, like flies on road-kill. dubya flies in with his entourage. Nagin smiles shakes his hand and kisses his ass, what's up with that? They are breaking ground at a cemetery (calling it a memorial service). Why does a groundbreaking at a cemetery draw special attention and how is that helping the levees? All of the jerkasses seem to have forgotten that after 2 years the city (the former population) is without any hope of impending recovery. Oh, sure, the casino's are open, the French Quarter still draws a crowd and people are eating in the cities restaurants. Those with money are still there (or have come back). Those without are still in Texas, Nebraska, Alabama and god knows where else.

On a light note, did you see the teenage beauty queen from S.C. explaining why Americans can't find the U.S. on a world map. Our educational system at it's finest and another reason for the endless stream of blonde jokes. If you haven't seen the video, go here, it is hilarious.

http://youtube.com/watch?v=WALIARHHLII

She must have watched a number of dubya's speeches.

August 28

Nothing happened today unless you consider the impending demise of yet another Republican Senator, this one from Idaho. His compatriots appear to be on him like a wolf that just came upon a dead deer. When there is no meat left, they are headed for the bones.

It seems that the good Senator may have come on a little strong to a police officer back in June. Then, just to make it go away, he pled guilty guilty to a disorderly conduct charge on Aug. 8, with the court dismissing a charge of gross misdemeanor interference to privacy. It seems he was peeking into a stall and then went into an adjacent stall and played footsies with the officer.

Senator Craig has been one of Mitt Romney's strongest Senate supporter in his run for the Presidency. He is the second of Romney's little band to resign from a post due to cloudy sexual innuendo. Sound's like Mitt has not done a very good job vetting his groupies.

On a lighter note, on this date in 1968, Chicago police started and then quelled a riot outside the Democratic Convention. On the streets of Chicago, antiwar protesters massed in the downtown area, determined to force the Democrats to nominate Senator Eugene McCarthy. Mayor Richard Daley responded by unleashing the Chicago police force. Thousands of policemen stormed into the crowd, swinging their clubs and firing tear gas. Stunned Americans watched on TV as the police battered and beat protesters, reporters, and anyone else in the way. The protesters began to chant, "The whole world is watching. The whole world is watching."

I'm Late, I'm Late

I got a call yesterday afternoon to play in a pro-am today. I signed up some time back as an alternate but I did not expect to play. So as I write this, I'm late getting started to get ready but I couldn't resist commenting on Alberto. Bye bye Al and good riddance. Unfortunately, if Chertoff is his replacement, don't expect much better, remember he brought us the remnants of Katrina.

Summer Poem

" Summer "
a poem by Abigail Elizabeth McIntyre























SHIT!
It's Hot

Afternoon Delight

No, it's not what you think if you are familiar with the song. It's just that it is a relatively nice Sunday afternoon so I decided to smoke some ribs. We spent the morning doing a little more to get the house in show shape (we had let it go for a few weeks while we were busy lamenting the lack of lookers), I mowed and pulled a couple of weeds, NK replaced a few floor tiles that did not want to follow our rules. Then we got to cooking.

NK started by soaking the black-eyes for what we call County Line Black-Eyed Peas, a recipe we made up after eating some at a County Line in Ok City awhile back. While that was going on and she was cutting up the Jalapeno's and other goodies, I made the rub for the ribs and then my bourbon BBQ sauce. Since I just started the fire in the smoker I thought I'd take a few minues to let you know what was up today and that NK has come up with a rather appropriate moniker for some of our political freinds. They are now and forever will be jerkasses. Later this week I'll continue my look at the jerkass candidates with a look at The Emperor of the City, Rudy Giuliani.

I'm not here either

Like CK, I'm not here today either, doin stuff to get ready to show the place on Monday. Maybe I'll be back tomorrow. Have a good weekend.

Never on Sunday

To play on Sunday, you have to win on Saturday. To play on Saturday, you have to win on Friday. I'll be home tomorrow. I gave it a go today. I got down 2 holes early, came back to tie then went down 2 again. After we left the 1oth hole I was 3 down. Once again I came back but not quite far enough. On the 18th hole, a par 3, my tee shot missed the green. My opponent also missed and wound up in the sand. My second shot stopped about 4 inches from the hole so I thought I had a chance, especially when he rolled his shot out of the bunker about 7 to 8 feet by. He had not made a putt all day from that distance, but he made that one to win 1 up.

It's a good thing I lost though, we have someone coming to look at the house on Monday and we will need the time to get things ship shape.

Match Play

Today I am going to have some fun. I’m going to pretend that I’m Tiger Woods and try to win my first match play event. Up until Wednesday I did not know if I would play or not, just had not decided because I usually only play Monday through Friday and leave the weekend for those poor souls that have to work during the week.

I don’t really care if I win, I just like the competition (bullshit). When they set the pairings, they pair those with like handicaps together. The person I will play has a handicap that is 2 strokes lower than mine. For those of you unfamiliar with the game, that means that on average, he is better than I am.

Par (the number of strokes it takes to get the ball in the hole through 18 holes) at my golf club is 72. While my average score is 91, lately I have been scoring in the mid 80’s (which by the way was my goal for this year). But in match play, none of this really matters beyond the confidence I have gained.

In match play all you have to do is complete a hole in one less stroke than your opponent. The winner of the match will have won more holes than there are left to play or there could be tie after 18 holes. If the match is tied after 18 holes, the match continues until someone wins a hole. The winner moves on to play on Saturday, the loser goes home. For once, I would like to play on Saturday.

Helping Hand

June 8, 1972


Maybe if we had left Vietnam sooner, Kim Phúc and the villagers of Trang Bang would not have experienced this particular horror of war. Shut your mouth George W. Bush, you are a disgrace to the American people and to peace loving people everywhere and I am ashamed to be a citizen of any country that would lower itself to the cheap political theatrics you have chosen just to save face.

Question Number 3

I was going to rant again about something dubya said yesterday but I changed my mind. I have been thinking about my answer to question #3. Can't get it out of my head. I mentioned my struggle to provide an answer and a few artists that came to mind. I completly forgot about Eric Clapton, you know, Cream, Derek and the Dominos, that guy. I could listen to him forever. I'll stick with Howlin' Wolf but I thought you should know about Clapton.

Anywhat, that got me thinking about my top 25 all time favorite songs (as of today) so here they are:

Number 1 all time favorite - Get Over It, Eagles. The message will always be applicable (I think The Droid Whisperer still hates it).

Number 2 - Sunshine of Your Love - Clapton (Cream days)

Number 3 - Little Red Rooster - Howlin' Wolf

Number 4 - In the Mood - Glenn Miller

Number 5 - Little Red Riding Hood - Sam the Sham and the Pharaohs (dedicated to NK)

Number 6 - Unforgettable - Nat King Cole

Number 7 - Travelin' Soldier - Dixie Chicks
Number 7.5 - War - Edwin Starr (or the Boss)

Number 8 - Guess He'd Rather Be in Colorado - John Denver

Number 9 - 12th of Never - Johnny Mathis

Number 10 - Hot Rod Lincoln - Commander Cody and his Lost Planet Airmen
Number 10.5 -Down to Seeds and Stems Again Blues - Commander Cody

Number 11 - Alices Restaurant - Arlo Guthrie

Number 12 - Master of the House - Les Miserables

Number 13 - Light My Fire - Jose Feliciano (no not the Doors, this is a much better version).

Number 14 - The Artists Life - Strauss

Number 15 - Black Magic Woman - Santana

Number 16 - The Immigrant Song - Led Zepplin

Number 17 - Daddy's Little Girl - The Mills Brothers

Number 18 - Good Night Irene - Levon Helm and the RCO All Stars (A tribute to my father)

Number 19 - I Just Came Home to Count the Memories - John Anderson

Number 20 - Third Rate Romance - The Amazing Rhythm Aces

Number 21 - Riders on the Storm - The Doors.

Number 22 - I Like Beer - Tom T. Hall

Number 23 - Masters of War - Bob Dylan

Number 24 - The Thrill is Gone - B.B. King

and

Number 25 - Dead Skunk in the Middle of the Road - Loudon Wainwright III

Q&A

In response to CK's questions.

1. What did you think of the end of Sofia Copala's Marie Antoinette? Mr. Kaos has his panties all in a bunch about it and is quite certain that you would too.
No comment, I have not seen the movie. Guess we should add it to our list.

2. You have always claimed to hate cats, yet I have evidence (possibly somewhere) that you like them. Maybe even love them. Why is that?

Your evidence (whatever it may be) can only be circumstantial and would not hold up in court. For NK’s sake I have tolerated cats, did I pet them sometimes….yeah I did and you may even have a picture but I do not like them and I definitely do not nor will I ever love them. At a minimum I was indifferent.

3. I've asked a few others this question already but, if you had to listen to the music of just one musician or band for an entire year which one would it be?

I really struggled with this one because of my taste in music. I like virtually everything but rap/hip-hop. I was going to say Glenn Miller, then I thought about some of the storytellers like Woody Guthrie and Tom T. Hall or Bob Dylan. But I’ll go with Howlin’ Wolf.

4. Now that you've jumped onto this whole blogging bandwagon how much longer does the world have to wait for you to join Myspace or Facebook?

Most likely, never. Though it may not be noticeable, I am not really a social animal. Think about it, I never "joined" anything, no VFW, no Elks, nothing. At heart I am an introvert and am really quite satisfied being one. If there were a few more creature comforts I could figure out, I would probably live as a hermit in a cave somewhere.

5. Though you did a lot of traveling for business you haven't had the opportunity in the recent past to do much traveling for pleasure, what with the visiting of you're darling children and all, if you could take the trip you've always wanted to where would you be heading?

Tough question, it has always been my desire to return to Vietnam. It is such a beautiful country and I would really like to see the area again. Since I did not spend any time in any of the cities, I have no desire to visit them, only the countryside. However, due to my infatuation with the game of golf, it would be difficult to choose between a trip to Ireland/Scotland and Vietnam.

Conversation with a 5 year old

Have you ever talked to a 5-year-old on a cellphone? One that places her mouth right up to the microphone and talks real loud because you are 1,100 miles away? One who’s first taste of food was gumbo, one who will always expect gumbo when Nana is around?

Yesterday NK’s conversation with K went something like this:

K – do you remember riding Dumbo?

NK – we have gumbo in the freezer.

K – you have Dumbo in the freezer?

NK – yes, we made some gumbo about 3 months ago.
K – no, Dumbo

NK – Oh – Dumbo not gumbo, yeah I remember the Dumbo ride at Disneyland.

They then went on to talk about riding in the Chinese Food container which K finally got to do with CK and Chad and the rest of the conversation went on without getting anyone or anything stuck in our freezer.

Food Dreams

Do you have food dreams? I’m not asking if you dream about food, what I am asking is whether or not certain meals or food combinations cause you to have weird, wild, LSD induced type dreams?

Because I’m asking this you have probably assumed that some items of food have provided both NK and myself some wonderful conversation points in the morning. For instance, a few nights ago we had a relatively simple meal. We knew we would be tired from laying the floor tiles in the bonus room so we just planned on soup and a sandwich (tuna) on a hoagie roll (it was quite tasty with slices of red onion and garden fresh tomato slices). What dreams may come and please feel free to provide your interpretations.

In NK’s dream, we were shopping for furniture and the salesperson told us that their best selection was in some model homes and that they would shuttle us to them (might be a Disneyland influence with the shuttle). Now remember, dreams will always have unexplained gaps and this one is no exception. Somehow the people visiting the model homes had a "chip" implanted that turned them into Stepford Wives zombie like people. For some inexplicable reason, I was able to avoid the chip implant but NK could not. Like the true rebel she is however, she was able to resist its power and we made our way out and exposed the ring. It seems that the dealers were creating their own cult of furniture salespeople and were in league with new home developers (at this point I will let you know that we blame the new home glut as the reason our lovely home remains unsold). This from just a simple tuna sandwich, or maybe it was the Cream of Chicken soup. Who knows what Campbell’s has added to that?

Another memorable combination caused NK to see a turkey running around with a human head. She thinks it may have been the head of "dubya" and that she may have the powers of a "Seer" like Professor Trelawny. This was a result of our favorite combination to avoid, smoked baby oysters on crackers (snack food) and Nathan’s hot dogs (dinner). Be warned this is a deadly combination, especially when accompanied with Corona and lime.

Oh, my tuna sandwich dream? We had been called to testify in court somewhere and on our plane trip back to San Francisco we were just about to land so I looked out the window to check and make sure the landing gears were down and locked (I could see a reflection in the water and they were locked in place). When I looked back up, we immediately started to dive straight toward the water. I glanced up toward the front of the plane and could see that the pilot was slumped over, pushing on the wheel. I jumped up to pull the pilot back so I could gain control of the plane. At that point I woke up and realized I had to pee. Not a good as NK’s by a long shot but and least I did not pee in my shorts.

How dumb is dumb?

On March 17, 2007 a 3-year-old child died from hyperthermia in Hilo, Hawaii. Since then there have been 19 other hyperthermia-related deaths in the United States. The youngest, a 3-month old from Chandler Arizona was left in the car for around 2 hours after the father returned from running errands. When he arrived home, he simply forgot that his young daughter was in the car with him. The outside temperature in Chandler on that day in June was 108 degrees. Young Amberlee’s core body temperature was 109 degrees according to the responding firefighters.

HE FORGOT THAT HIS DAUGHTER WAS IN THE CAR!!!!

That must have been some trip he took to excite him so much that he could forget his child was in the car. This was not the only case where the parent forgot to take their child. Not that they left them there on purpose (that happened also and may be even more heinous), they just plain old forgot that they had a child in the car.

The best one (if anything like this can be classified as best) happened in 2006. After leaving her 15-month-old son in her car for nine hours while she was working, a North Augusta woman returned to her vehicle, found her son lifeless, and then drove around for nearly two hours before calling police.

Eight of the twenty children were 1 years old or less. Ten were from Southern states (are they dumber down there?). Sometimes the parent is charged, sometimes not or police had not yet determined if charges were warranted. Now I’m sure the parents were grief stricken and I’m a compassionate person most of the time but idiots like this need something to make them think. I don’t know if incarceration would solve anything but they damned sure should have to perform some type of service related to the crime AND IT IS A CRIME TO LEAVE A CHILD OR PET IN YOUR CAR.

So what is the answer? NASA researchers have come up with a device called the Child Presence Sensor that will alert the parent that they walked away from their car with the child left behind. They believe it will help the "overloaded, exhausted, distracted parent or one confused by a change in routine, that might forget that they left one of their children unattended." I guess since they can’t seem to get a shuttle up without a problem they think they should become apologists for stupid parents. And oh by the way, how much of our tax dollars went into this research that has absolutely nothing to do with SPACE?

In their press release they noted that "Cars are inappropriate places for children to be left without adult supervision. A brilliant observation but so are swimming pools, shopping centers, grocery carts and a host of other places. What will NASA do about that? In fact according to pool safety experts, the leading death of children ages 1 to 4 is drowning. So there is an alarm for a pool and that is a wise thing to install. But a sensor to remind you that you have a kid in the car, give me a break. That’s about as necessary as a warning label on an electric hair dryer that it is not for use while in the shower or taking a bath. Anyone who does that deserves the result.

The Child Presence Sensor driver alarm, designed to hang on the driver's key ring, sounds ten warning beeps if the driver moves too far away from the vehicle. If the driver doesn't return within one minute, the alarm will beep continuously and cannot be turned off until it is reset by returning to the child safety seat. If people are so stupid or insensitive enough to leave a child in the car, how likely are they to purchase this thing. Just buying it is an admission of their stupidity (duh I’m so dumb I need an alarm to remind me I have a kid).

Does anyone know what time it is?

Hey out there, did anyone lose a second hand? No, not your right or left hand, the little worthless sweep hand on a watch that lets you know it is 5:20 and 15 seconds.

While cleaning up for what is probably our last open house for the year, I noticed this little silver thing in the hallway carpet. I thought it was a staple or maybe something NK had purchased for some of her crafty doings.

If it is yours, you must have either been to a prior open house or you apparated/disapparated to our hallway at some point in time. I must say, how it got here will probably be one of those great mysteries of life never to be answered.






Oh yeah, the answer to yesterday's test is:


Get your drunken ass off of the merry-go-round.

This is a Test

You are driving a car at a constant speed. On your left side is a drop off (The ground is 18-20 inches below the level you are traveling on), and on your right side is a fire engine traveling at the same speed as you. In front of you is a galloping horse which is the same size as your car and you cannot overtake it. Behind you is another galloping horse which is the same size as your car and you cannot outrun it. Both horses are traveling at the same speed as you are. What must you do to safely get out of this highly dangerous situation?

I will provide the correct answer tomorrow.

Sad Commentary on Life in America

Did you hear about this? It’s back to school time and what is everyone buying, pencils, paper, crayons? What about your child’s bulletproof backpack? Did you get one of those? We bought little K a backpack while we were at Disneyland. Damn, why didn’t we know about them then, we just bought a pink one. The new one also deflects a knife attack so we could have killed (sorry about that) 2 birds with one stone.

We pride ourselves in being a civilized society so why now have we become so uncivilized that we need to protect our children with bullet/knife proof backpacks? What have we become that necessitates something like this? Have a few dads in Boston over reacted to the current state of affairs in the United States? Who is responsible for this, the saddest commentary on our life ever? I wish I knew the answer to all of these questions, maybe then I could do something to reverse the trend.

I would like to blame our apparent addiction to guns but I don’t think that, by itself, is the primary cause of the type of increase we have seen in school violence. That addiction has just made it easier for someone to get their hands on one. Maybe a key factor is related to the lead assed society that has been created by video games, especially the violent type. One cause I can’t ignore though is parental guidance. There seems to be a definite lack of it in our society today.

Looking up the ducks ass

On the news last night (yeah, I still watch it but I am trying to confine myself to the national news) I saw a young mother looking up the ass of a stuffed toy duck. The reason she was doing this is that the Mattel Toy Company has everyone with young children checking every toy they have, checking for lead and magnets. This is the 2ND time in a couple of weeks that major recalls have been issued.

We have banned lead for the past 30 years in the U.S. but we just can’t seem to control the introduction of lead into products sold in this country. I used to contend that beyond toys, lead may also have been introduced into the food chain in the early 1970’s, primarily food consumed by children and teenagers.

When I was a child, I couldn'twait to get outside and play, it didn’t matter what we played, we just did not want to be inside. In the early 70’s, I started to notice a lack of children outside so I checked to see if the birth rate had declined. Nope, no decrease in the birth rate (we provided two for the world) so I started looking elsewhere for the missing kids.

What I eventually discovered was children over the age of five had large amounts of lead in their system and they were staying indoors. Did exposure to the sun cause some chemical reaction that I was not aware of? I had to know why since I was concerned that our two kids would suffer from the same prognosis. Since I did not have the Internet then, research was difficult so I had to depend on asking parents why their kids were absorbing lead in record numbers, what kind of diet did they have?

What I found was not what I thought at all. Yes, there was lead, no it did not come from their diets. It came from a change of habit. Since all I did at that time was work, go to school and sleep, I had missed a major change in the everyday life of kids (and many adults), the introduction of video games. What I found was not lead from paint, all of the lead was in their ass and they could no longer lift their large behinds off of the couch.

Promises Broken

Up until this past weekend, we were under the impression that when we buy our house in O re gon that we knew someone that could help us do some things that may need to be done. This weekend, the good ship kaos started to sink (it’s leaking everywhere) and its Captain now seems to think we should buy a house that will not need any touch up (did I state that correctly?).

So, this being the case, the good captain seems to have reneged on his promise to help set the newest Kaos ship of state on the correct course. What say you matey, a few pipes finally get the better of you? Don’t think we should buy a fixer upper?

Well you know we never thought we wanted to get something that required any extensive work (remember I said that is one of the things I wound never do again). So rest assured, you may need to fix up your abode but don’t worry about ours (except maybe for some sound and other wiring).

I'm Done

I have now finished my first reading. I will hold true to the bond and not comment beyond my remorse that there will be no more.

A short story

When he woke up, he was drenched in sweat. He had that dream again. He thought he was through with the dream, the first time it came was last September, and then it went away in December.

Now it was August and it was back with a horrible vengeance and there were new entrants. It no longer just came at night, sometimes during the day when his mind wandered, he could see the slaughter.

In his dream he was standing in the middle of a field and was surrounded by hideous creatures. They all had pronged little sticks in their hands and they were poking him with them. Some of them were tearing at him like they were trying to tear his coat off, trying to expose his body and they pulled on his silky strands of hair, trying to cleanse him. They had torn his big red hat from his head and two of them were roasting it.

Herbie could only cringe, one of the creatures was an eye named Buck from Ohio. Another was a bird from Kansas and yet another a bull from Texas. They had all just finished mangling all of Herbies friends in the past few weeks and he knew that the panther and the tiger were still out there. The one on the horse was the most daunting.

Now it was a different year with its leader still unaccepted, (the man from silver and black) but now somewhat seasoned and everyone had high hopes. Maybe if they were right, the dreams would go away for good. Only in the next few months will we know for sure.

Not the News

This will sound rather callous but I am sick and tired of groups using the news to beg. It’s not just groups, sometimes the begging is initiated by the local TV networks. Yeah, it’s hot outside, it’s always hot outside in August. So why in the hell should anyone expect any different and be surprised that it is going to be miserable and that maybe they should save a few pennies and buy a fan for their home. But no, every year, when it gets a little warm, TV news starts begging for fan donations.

The Salvation Army needs water and they want someone to give it to them. Go buy the damned water, you are selling everyone’s donations at your stores so you should have the $$ to buy a little water. Hell, you probably have more money than the Catholic Church, especially since they have had to pay out so much recently.

Guess what people, in a few months it’s going to get real damned cold and you may want to think about buying a coat and maybe a space heater if you need something like that. Stop buying lotto tickets and beer, maybe you should consider quitting smoking. If you did that you could save enough in less than a week to buy a fan yourself instead of having someone else beg for you. So get off your dead ass and do something for yourself, the world does not owe you anything.

Some things to think about

I have been lazy for the past two days and haven't really thought much about anything with the exception of how much I hate watching the news (maybe I'll write more on this tomorrow) and insurance companies (every time you turn around your rates go up).

For today though, here are a few lesser known laws of Murphy.

. Light travels faster than sound. This is why some people appear bright until you hear them speak.

2. Change is inevitable, except from a vending machine.

3. Those who live by the sword get shot by those who don't.

4. Nothing is foolproof to a sufficiently talented fool.

5. The 50-50-90 rule: Anytime you have a 50-50 chance of getting something right, there's a 90% probability you'll get it wrong.

6. If you lined up all the cars in the world end to end, someone would be stupid enough to try to pass them, five or six at a time on a hill, in the fog.

7. The things that come to those who wait will be the scraggly junk left by those who got there first.

8. The shin bone is a device for finding furniture in a dark room.

9. A fine is a tax for doing wrong. A tax is a fine for doing well.

10. When you go into court, you are putting yourself into the hands of 12 people who weren't smart enough to get out of jury duty.

Struggling

There was a young laddie named Chuck
Who got his ass stuck in the muck
He tried and he tried
He cried and he cried
But deeper and deeper he struck
He wiggled and wagged
He zigged and he zagged
But his ass was still stuck in the muck
To get out the muck
his friends pulled and they plucked
and they finally yanked him out with at truck
-
-
-
-
-
-
-
-

You probably thought his friends would tell him "your fucked".

Goals

I try to set goals everyday, kind of like when I was working but not too many and not nearly as difficult. Today my goal is to read, as in Harry Potter. NK got the book first and since I was in the middle of another book, I'm just getting started.

So, no TV, no phones, no nothing, just going to hide and read.

Top Ten things I won't do

Top ten things I won't do (in no particular order). Even though I may have done a few things in the past that are listed here, everything here is something that I won't do now (or again)

1. Try to ride a skateboard. This is a lesson I don't need to learn unless I have a strong desire to break something (did you see that idiot at the Xtreme games fall 40 ft. without his board?).

2. Eat a Pizzone, I don't care what Pizza Hut does, they just sound nasty.

3. Go see Body World. While I understand the fascination some would have, I have no desire to see anything below the skin.

4. Travel to any country east of England that starts with an I. I say east of England because I would like to go to Ireland. You will never see me anywhere near a Middle-Eastern country. I have held this belief since 1967. I have not felt it to be a safe place to visit, even though the architecture in the region might be worth it.

5. Go hunting (except with a camera).

6. Work - don't need to.

7. Drive Drunk - no explantion required.

8. Buy anything from CompUSA (especially an HP laptop).

9. Go to Graceland, don't care about Elvis, don't care about his home.

10. Watch any show with Regis, Dr. Phil (it pains me just to type his name), Nancy Grace or any talk show. I can find better things to do with my time than listen to the opinion of some moron.

One more, much to my regret, I will probably never surf again.

Floor

Due to popular request (how did you know I would take a picture of the sample?) here are a couple of pictures of our choice. It looks like tile, feels cool on the bare foot but is actually linoleum. I felt like being a smart-ass and just say it again, it's a kitchen floor.

Blue Monday

Quick, who can figure out how many square yards in our kitchen? It's 253 inches by 136 inches. Does anyone remember their high school math. NK got it right off the bat, I confirmed it on the Internet.

The only reason this was important yesterday is we are now looking at replacing the kitchen floor since the house has not sold. The current floor is white and while we had hoped to move on without replacing it, we know it should be done. So, if we are going to have to do it to sell the house next year we want to enjoy the new floor ourselves, at least through the winter.

The amazing thing about our shopping expedition is that we actually found flooring that we agreed on within about 30 minutes. Usually when we go shopping for anything like that (this includes furniture, bedspreads, curtains....anything and everything for the house) we can never seem to agree. Yesterday we even found a sectional sofa that we both liked. Not getting that though, it was too big and we don't want to have to move it.

Oh, and by the way, the answer is 28 sq. yds.

Postmortum

Another Texas legend has died. While most people may not instantly recognize the name, Marvin Zindler gained fame by taking on the La Grange brothel known as the "Chicken Ranch". His effort was fictionalized somewhat in the movie The Best Little Whorehouse in Texas.

He spent his last years as a consumer affairs reporter for the Houston ABC affiliate and was well known for his inspections of restaurants. He always seemed to find "slime in the ice machines".

Sound of Silence

On Tuesday, June 4, 1968, Don Drysdale pitched his 6th consecutive shutout game to break a record held since 1904. But no one cared about that on June 5, 1968, probably not even Drysdale himself. The game was played in Los Angeles at Chavez Ravine (now Dodger Stadium) against the Pittsburgh Pirates. About 4 miles away and a few hours later another event was taking place that would negate any other news item that day.

After winning the California Democratic primary, Robert Francis (Bobby) Kennedy was shot while passing through the pantry area of the kitchen at the Ambassador hotel. While others were wounded, RFK was the only causality. Much like the assassination of his brother, we can only wonder what our future would have been had he not been killed.

While I don’t normally review or recommend a movie, but if you have not seen "Bobby", it is a must see. But I am not writing this just because of the movie. Something chilled my bones while I was watching it. In 1968, RFK was a Senator from the State of New York. He was not officially a resident of NY until he decided to run for the Senate (sound familiar?). Although he was born in NY, he spent most of his life outside of the state.

In 2008 another former non-resident of the state of NY will be a candidate for President while an unpopular war is in progress. When HRC finishes up in the California primary next year I hope we don’t have a repeat of an event 40 years earlier.

BUT NO MATTER WHAT, GET AND WATCH THE MOVIE "BOBBY".

Not Food

Well, I was going to talk about food today but it just didn't sound interesting after I wrote it. I was only talking about how we prepare a menu, shop to it and try to stick to it with moderate success most of the time. But this morning NK opened a bottle of arthritis meds only to find they had changed the lid from screw off to one with the flip off type that anyone with any common sense would know that if you have arthritis in your hands/fingers, it is hard to get any leverage to push up on the flip off cap.

This could get me going on an entire rant of the callousness of drug companies but I don't want to elevate my blood pressure thinking that much about it. Then my doctor would probably want to change my medication again with an even newer hypertension drug that would cost even more because my health (wealth) plan (that's United Healthcare's wealth) does not cover any drug costs (or any other for that matter) until we reach our deductible (it's over $5K each year). And for that privilege, we get to pay $345.00 a month to UHC, what a deal. I won't vent too much though, NK and I are both fairly healthy (knock, knock) and just to have coverage is better than none at all.

Well, it's Friday, it's August and the dog days have set in. Sometimes I haven't got a clue for a subject and then like a bolt from the sky a couple of things hit me. The first thought is that school starts fairly soon around here. This only comes to mind because we live near a high school and since before school was officially out for the summer, work crews started tearing up the parking lot. Once they completed that, there it sat and sat and sat, sometimes just a muddy mess. Now that school is about to start (about 3 weeks away) they seem to be doing a little work each day, digging holes bringing in more stuff, etc. They don't seem to be getting anywhere closer to completing whatever it is they felt they had to do though. They have demolished the tennis courts however.

Normally, none of this would matter one iota to me, but remember, this is a high school and how do high school students get to school? Of course, they drive. But alas, no parking lot, where to park, oh where to park? We have spent the last ten years complaining to the school about the kids racing down and around our quiet, narrow little cul-de-sac, parking in front of our mail boxes, parking on both sides of the street and leaving their litter. Why NK even got mooned once (it was actually directed at another student but she could probably pick the kid out of a line-up and not from the front).

Last year we finally got some relief with little or no parking problems (I did have to call the school the first day to complain though). Now it looks like the battle will soon begin anew.

Tomorrow I'll talk about food.

No Sale

Our realtor called yesterday, he is still on vacation but he wanted to know what our plans were now that our contract with his company had expired. He was not full of hope as he stated that we could always try again next year so I guess he has given up.

Today we got letters from two different agents from the same company wanting us to list with them now that our original MLS has expired. I did talk to an agent on Monday but we will not list with another agent this year. NK told our current agent that we will extend the listing to the end of August, then it is off the market. :(

Jena, La.

Mychal Bell was tried and convicted by an all white jury of aggravated second degree battery for his role in a fight between white and black students at Jena High School. The cause of the fight, the black students wanted to sit in the shade of a tree previously restricted to "whites only". The next day, there were 3 nooses hanging from the tree, a child's prank according to school officials. While 3 students were suspended, tension in the small town mounted. At school two days later, a group of white students, including the noose hangers, taunted students, calling them “niggers.” A white student was beaten by a group of black students, taken to the hospital and released within three hours. He attended a school function that night. Six black students, including Bell, were charged with second degree attempted murder for the fight. The day before that fight occurred, one student was charged with simple battery after he cracked a bottle over anothers head.

Mychal Bell and the other 5 students did not use a weapon of any sort but was charged with a crime that requires the use of a weapon and one that mandates that serious bodily harm occurred. Now in reading this you might think this came from the 60's or even earlier. Wrong, this started in September 2006 and Bell, the first tried, was to be sentenced yesterday. Sentencing has been postponed while the Fed's investigate. They should take a hard look at the LaSalle Parish DA who told the black student population "I could end your life with the stroke of a pen".

Oh, and the offending tree? It received the death penalty and was cut down.