Friday, August 31, 2007

Dateline Central USA

Fat Sinking Mid-America

The Central portion of the United States is dropping in elevation. In the past year, along a rough line bordering Colorado on the west and Ohio on the east, states have dropped approximately 15 feet in elevation. Experts have now identified the cause of this previously unexplained fall. It seems Middle America’s obesity has finally become a serious issue (see chart).

Experts plan to gather in Colorado (the leanest state according to CalorieLab) to determine what steps to take to mitigate the problem. One suggestion being discussed is to attempt a population shift (massive relocation) east and west of the troubled region. By moving the most obese out of the Central US, the decline in elevation will most likely slow or stop. To counter this move however, scientists claim that healthier people will have to be relocated from the east and west coasts to the heartland. They hope this will serve a dual purpose; stop the elevation change and introduce a healthy lifestyle to Middle America. Of course the risk in this plan the the loss of valuable beach property with the added weight to the coastal regions.


Bubblewench said...

Does that mean California will finally fall into the sea?

DaddyKaos said...

At least a portion of it must. According to the study they did not gain or lose so they would probably get a majority of the detainees, (um scratch that)individuals relocated. Experts from the government have deemed this to be an acceptable loss since the majority of it votes Democrat anyway.

CamiKaos said...


sick sick sick

mielikki said...

well we know that California is eventually going to fall to the sea anyhow, why not now? Just give me and a few others enough time to get away.