Wednesday, December 26, 2007

A Day In the Life - 2007

Now that most of the year has passed (like gas from a bad bowl of beans) as I look back, I can't say it was much of a year. At times, we seem to be headed down the drain, circling clockwise in the bowl (you down under are of course going counter clockwise) as if the last remnants of discernible civilization is on the wane. Then out of nowhere, just when there seems to be a ray of hope, what happens? An ass kicking snowstorm of dog fighting and mall shootings (yes, I am a hopeless cynic).

My recap of 2007:

We were promised a new direction in Iraq, all we have done is throw in a few more targets, increase the size of our debt and circle the block until we become so dizzy we forget that things were supposed to change.

We learned that it is "very likely" that mankind is responsible for global warming. Duh! I emphasize very likely because only a 6 long years ago we were only at the likely stage. Maybe by 2013 we will, like Jimmy Buffet, admit that it's are own damned fault (but of course by then it may be too late).

We also learned that our beloved astronauts wear diapers on lift-off and re-entry (I bet they fill them up on lift-off) courtesy of one Lisa Nowak and her 900 mile diaper so I don't have to stop and pee drive between Houston and Orlando (at first I thought she was just in a hurry to get to Disney World but all she wanted to do was kidnap someone). From this we also figured out that astronauts can be just as deranged as the rest of the population (as we continue to waste millions of dollars on shuttles that won't fly)

Our government is a slum lord. Wounded soldiers at Walter Reed Medical Center are forced to live in conditions equal to or worse than some rat infested big city slums. Why should this surprise us, local and state governments have managed public housing slums for as long as I can remember.

"W" in typical fashion again shows the world that the United States has a buffoon as it's head of state when he intimates that Queen Elizabeth is over 230 years old. It seems that he thought she was present at the signing of the Declaration of Independence.

Idaho Senator Larry Craig does the hokie pokie with the bathroom fuzz in Minneapolis and first he said he's guilty and then he says he's not.

In the shitty travel category, a passenger on a Continental flight from Amsterdam to Newark said he was forced to sit next to human excrement for seven hours after the toilets overflowed. Sometimes it seems that way even when the toilets are fine.

O.J. strikes again, this time without the gloves. Seems that he wanted some things that he claims belonged to him so he engaged a few thugs to help him. He has since pleaded not guilty on charges of kidnapping and armed robbery in the case.

As Southern California burns, the Govenator claims all is well citing the fact that all of those sheltered at Qualcomm stadium have all they need, especially their yoga classes. Meanwhile, New Orleans continues to struggle, maybe FEMA can start some yoga classes there.

Nice work if you can find it. An Iowa woman that wrote "I am only here for the money and, lately, for the printer access. I haven't really accomplished anything in a long while ... and I am still getting paid more than I ever have at a job before, with less to do than I have ever had before. It's actually quite nice when I think of it that way. I can shop online, play games and read message boards and still get paid for it" was fired from her job for misuse of company time. She had documented over 300 printed pages of her efforts to avoid work. She was subsequently denied unemployment benefits by an administrative judge.

Darth Cheney - VP Cheney has embraced his new nickname (provided by "W") stating "I've been asked if that nickname bothers me, and the answer is, no. After all, Darth Vader is one of the nicer things I've been called recently."


mielikki said...

That is the best recap of the year I have read, by far. Those news people have got nothing on you!

Bubblewench said...

That is a fantastic recap! Awesome!