Thursday, January 31, 2008

Time to Talk Veep!

The last time I had any compassion for a Presidential race I looked like this:

This was taken in 1971 and the candidate was George McGovern.

Now, with election year in our front pocket, things are moving quickly. While McGovern did not choose wisely (grasshopper), my hope is that Obama does and that has me thinking about who his running mate might be.

Should he go with conventional wisdom and select someone like say, Patrick Kennedy?

Would John Edwards be willing to play second chair after twice trying for the chair at the head of the table? Would his presence help more than someone else?

If Romney gets the Republican nod (maybe even a wink), could anyone be so bold as to suggest a mixed race union (I mean elephants and donkeys)? Is McCain just enough of a maverick to serve as VP for a Democratic president? You have to admit there are some interesting possibilities here.

But I like this guy.

He was my first choice for President and my choice to run along with Obama.

If for no other reason, Bill Richardson has the type of foreign policy experience that could help President Obama restore our integrity in the worlds eyes, and lord knows that will take some doing.

Wednesday, January 30, 2008

Tuesday, January 29, 2008

Life is Good

This morning as I sat watching the wind take the snow to the west, bring it back to the east in a vain attempt to fight it's horizontal path, my thoughts turned to how wonderful it is to be inside with a nice fire going in the fireplace.

Nothing could spoil my mood as I sat there with my morning cup o joe flipping back and forth between MSNBC and CNN for my morning dose of events. Not even the news from last nights (and final) Bush State of the Union message.

So what is going through my little pea brain right now?

I was thinking how funny it was that Romney and McCain are throwing the L word at each other. It's kind of like Tammy Faye Baker and Phyllis Diller telling each other how beautiful they are. One can only wonder, as they act like school children, if either of them will survive their childish antics and become "Presidential" enough to actually win the office.

Will Florida signal the end for the early alphabet candidates, G & H and if H survives will he start to look anymore like Gomer Pyle?

And in the same vain, has Billary wrought a similar pallor on their campaign with all the race card innuendo? Has it really stopped? Does the endorsement by Maxine Waters signal the end?

Finally, did Obama truly turn his back on the H-thing last night or is this just more media opportunism to stir up something after a major endorsement.

Maybe I'll tune in to Fox, they probably have the answer.

I have noticed quite a few new visitors lately, I hope you enjoy what you see. If you do, drop in a comment, if you don't, well do the same. Oh, and Gunfighter, I agree, CK's a damned fine kid. Thanks for stopping by, "semper fi".

Monday, January 28, 2008

Who Said It - Answers

CK cheated and googled the answers for the rest of you, here are the answers to the quiz from last week:

"Do you have blacks, too?"


2. "I am not worried about the deficit. It is big enough to take care of itself."


3. "They say hard work never hurt anybody, but I figure why take the chance."


4. "We are trying to get unemployment to go up, and I think we're going to succeed."


5. "My plan reduces the national debt, and fast. So fast, in fact, that economists worry that we're going to run out of debt to retire."


6. "I think we ought to raise the age at which juveniles can have a gun."


7. "What we have found in this country, and maybe we're more aware of it now, is one problem that we've had, even in the best of times, and that is the people who are sleeping on the grates, the homeless who are homeless, you might say, by choice."


8. "How are you, Mr. Mayor? I'm glad to meet you. How are things in your city?"


9. "A people free to choose will always choose peace."


10. "I want to thank you for taking time out of your day to come and witness my hanging."


11. "It's clearly a budget. It's got a lot of numbers in it."


12. "Before I refuse to take your questions, I have an opening statement. "


13. "Facts are stubborn things."


14. "The wisest use of American strength is to advance freedom."


15. 80% of our air pollution comes from plants and trees.

And this was from the same man that said if you've seen one Redwood you've seen them all, Ronald Reagan

Saturday, January 26, 2008

Not Something to be Proud Of

I'm going to set the stage a little by telling a story. It's real, only the names have changed to protect the guilty.

It was back in the mid-70's (that 1970's not 1870's). My cousin Meg and her husband Dick had moved to Turkey Town and we started getting together on weekends, discussing world events, playing games (mostly cards, canasta if I remember correctly), breaking bread and just having a good time.

Sometimes we would take our 2 Irish Setters to their house so they could romp with M & D's Old English Sheepdog, Opie (real name). A couple of times we dog sat for them and got real tired of Opie rubbing his ass on our couch. And the size of his stool, well let's just say it was as if a bull was in our back yard.

We got together up until the summer of 79 when I started traveling.

Now to start the story

All the time we spent with M & D, did not prepare me for what a sick fuck D could be. Maybe he wasn't back then, maybe he just evolved over time.

Anyway, we stay in touch these days through email. He sends me stuff, some of it political, some informative, some funny, some sick and some of it is just down right disgusting.

It was after he started sending some of this that I realized he was just another dirty old man with a bit of a tilt to macabre.

You see he send me a picture the other day, one so disgusting and frankly scary that as a public service I will not post it here.

But I will describe it, hopefully to save someone in the future.

The picture was captioned

If you will, picture a nice plump Ballpark frank. It is not yet cooked.

Now to continue, imagine yourself taking a long pair of tongs and picking the Ballpark up at one end, about 1/4 of the way from the tip.

While holding this picture in your mind, take the frank and hold it horizontally just above a bed of flaming coals, rotating the frank around and around.

Keep it there until it looks like a long piece of charcoal from front to back. The tip you are holding with the tongs, while not quite normal is still somewhat pink.

Remove the frank from the coals and set it on a white plate.

The picture was real, it was taken at a hospital.

The caption was:

Never urinate on a 220 watt, 3 phase electrical fence.

I can't close my eyes without seeing that picture, thanks D, you SOB.

Friday, January 25, 2008

Who Cares?

Live from Florida, the home of Mr. Fabulous, the winner is?

I don't know how many of you have studied Sun Tzu's The Art of War, or if you have even heard of him. I was exposed to his thinking in College and found it useful during my years as a working person since it helped me understand my adversaries as well as my friends.

Since I still believe in the principles of the Art of War, one being "Unless you know the mountains and forests...the lay of the marshes and cannot get the advantages of the land", I decided to watch the debate of the Republicans in Florida last night.

First one I watched. It was somewhat entertaining.

All of the pundits think Romney took the prize.

And I want to tell you of one exchange between Tim Russert and Mittttttt.

Not the one where he said that "The idea of Bill Clinton back in the White House with nothing to do is something I can’t imagine" (that was pretty funny).

I mean his response to Russert's question about how much of his own money he had spent on his campaign in Florida or throughout his campaign.

Romney said that information would be released on January 31st.

Then Russert asked if the people of Florida might like to know before the primary so they could factor that information into their decision.

And Romney said.......

wait for it......

it's coming.....

I don't care about the voter!

He went on with some crap about how he was concerned about the other individuals on the stage.

But he said he does not care about the voter, they are insignificant, shit for brain dolts so fuck them; I'm going to spend whatever it takes to get my elitist white ass into the oval office.

The press must be going apeshit with this one. Lesser things than that have killed a campaign.

So what does the mainstream press have to say about this on this Friday before the primary?

MSNBC - nothing

USA Today - nada

AP - ditto

Maybe CNN - Nope

Well at least Fox would have something:

Yes, they do....

The headline reads.....

Oprah for VP? Obama Makes 10 campaign 'Promises'

Thursday, January 24, 2008

Who Said It?

Let's play a little game today.

It's called who said it. I will list quotes from 2 of our favorite presidents, Ronald Reagan and "W".

Then you decide which one of them made the remark.

So, let's get started with an easy one.

1. "Do you have blacks, too?"

2. "I am not worried about the deficit. It is big enough to take care of itself."

3. "They say hard work never hurt anybody, but I figure why take the chance."

4. "We are trying to get unemployment to go up, and I think we're going to succeed."

5. "My plan reduces the national debt, and fast. So fast, in fact, that economists worry that we're going to run out of debt to retire."

6. "I think we ought to raise the age at which juveniles can have a gun."

7. "What we have found in this country, and maybe we're more aware of it now, is one problem that we've had, even in the best of times, and that is the people who are sleeping on the grates, the homeless who are homeless, you might say, by choice."

8. "How are you, Mr. Mayor? I'm glad to meet you. How are things in your city?"

9. "A people free to choose will always choose peace."

10. "I want to thank you for taking time out of your day to come and witness my hanging."

11. "It's clearly a budget. It's got a lot of numbers in it."

12. "Before I refuse to take your questions, I have an opening statement. "

13. "Facts are stubborn things."

14. "The wisest use of American strength is to advance freedom."

15. 80% of our air pollution comes from plants and trees.

Answers on Monday.

Wednesday, January 23, 2008

I Was Wrong

Two days ago I finally got around to responding to the tag from Sybil.

And I lied

CK and Mie backed me up.

I can be hard hearted about some things and I can tell you what I am HH about right now.

Heath Ledger died, boo fucking hoo.

Any body that kills themselves, either accidentally or on purpose deserves to die so who the fuck besides his grieving family gives a shit.

So to the media, let them alone.

You are worse than lawyers and used car salesmen when it comes to something like this. He is dead, he was stupid enough to:

A: Kill himself


B: Accidentally take too many sleeping pills.

In either case he is dead so let the family grieve in peace. This is not news so stop pounding me with all of your speculation.

Appropriate Action

During an interview at a Clinton rally on Saturday, the head basketball coach at Saint Louis University (a catholic school) expressed his opinion on abortion.

We all have our personal opinion and should have a right to express it anytime to anyone, right?

Well, not according to his crapiness, archbishop Raymond Burke of St. Louis. Burke stated "I'm concerned that a leader at a Catholic university made these comments. It can lead Catholics astray."

Leading catholics astray, hmm. Let's see, sexual molestation of young catholics, let's cover that up. Expressing your opinion as an individual, nope, can't do that, someone might stray from the fold!


Because Burke believes "... that it's of the essence for people to understand as a Catholic you just cannot hold these beliefs."

Not only that, you can't even voice your own opinion unless it is in line with church doctrine.

Of the essence you say. What does the school leadership say?

A spokesman for the university, Jeff Fowler, said Majerus' comments were not related to his role at the university."Rick's comments were his own personal view. They were made at an event he did not attend as a university representative," Fowler said. "It was his own personal visit to the rally."

So the school leadership thinks that we have individual rights and beliefs, bully for them.

But to Burke, the same dickhead that said he would deny communion to John Kerry in 2004 for his stand on abortion rights, I say get off of the fucking stage. We don't need your narrow minded, tow the line, self-righteous diatribes on taking "appropriate action" against someone expressing their own belief.

Oh, Burke has also begun a "defrocking" process for a priest that supported and participated in the ordination of two women from the St. Louis area.

So not only does he deny the rights of an individual to speak on their own, he also seems to think that he (the church, for he is the church) can deny someone a right because they are not of the male species. Women have a right to have babies and not much else evidently.

Tuesday, January 22, 2008


I've been given license to BOMB (thanks Mie)!

And not just any BOMB, I get to drop F*Bombs.

Any where I want.


On anyone/anything I want.

Whenever I want.

What's an F*Bomb you ask?

It's an award that allows me to lambaste anyone and anything I want by throwing F* at them/it.

It's alot like slinging a bag full of shit at someone only it's much more fun. Lewis Black is the best at it of anyone I know so my first award goes to him.

Maybe tomorrow I'll toss the first missile.

Monday, January 21, 2008

Monthly Traits

I got tagged awhile back by Sybil (who got tagged by CK, who got tagged by Holly, oh how these damned things get around) and have been putting my response off for no reason whatsoever except for one thing that is not one of the choices, I tend to get lazy.

The thing is, I am to inform you all of the month I was born and pick the traits of a person born that month that apply and expound on them. I am also obligated to tag 12 other people but I refuse to do so (see stubborn below)

Born in May:

Stubborn and hard-hearted.

Stubborn applies, especially when I know I am right (even if I am wrong) I will defend my opinion until silence is the only solution (that means I am no longer speaking to someone or they are no longer speaking to me). But hard- hearted, no, not at all.

Strong-willed and highly motivated.

This kind of goes hand in hand with stubborn. I think it might be the combination of Finnish and Scotch-Irish blood (though Swedes can be pretty strong willed also).

Deep feelings.

It kind of depends on the subject. I can be very passionate at times and not really give a shit one way or the other about some things. My passion can and does come out when I am opposed to something just as strong or stronger than if I favor it.

Needs no motivation.

Normally this is true, I have always been a self starter (that is as long as I want to do something).


I always try to be understanding and am generally a good listener. I have had many friends that felt they could always come to me for a shoulder to cry on. Mostly though I just don't give a rats ass and while I listened, I hardly every heard, my mind was always wandering to something I thought was important.

Loves literature and the arts.

I do like to read and I love music and to go to museums. But to say I love the arts, well that has always sounded a little gay and snobbish.

Loves traveling.

There are a great number of places I want to see, I just hate getting there. This is only because I had to spend so much time away from home when I was employed.

Dislike being at home.

Only when I'm forced to stay in because of the weather.


I was until I retired, now the only thing I work hard at if golf.

Sunday, January 20, 2008

Not For The Weak or Anyone Easily Offended

Every once in awhile I look around to see what kind of research is going on. Today I found that the University of Pittsburgh, in an apparent effort to determine if it was feasible to market a home test kit for Chlamydia and Gonorrhea enlisted 403 women to take part in a study called
Home Screening for Chlamydia Surveillance.

As a result, even though you may be tired of vaginal cream and home pregnancy ads, this may be coming soon to a TV near you:

I have already been told that this is disgusting so there is no need to debase me any further, but sometimes my sick mind just has to prevail.

Advertising Target: Women

Video – a woman on toilet with a pained expression holding her hand in between her legs and then pulls out a cup about ½ full of urine. Then she places a few drops from a small bottle into the cup. When the liquid turns to red she screams.

Do you suffer from a painful or burning sensation when urinating, increased vaginal discharge, or vaginal bleeding between periods?

Then you should try Chlamydiscope*, the home test kit for Chlamydia and Gonorrhea. Why in just minutes you will know if it’s time to make some very important phone calls.

Video: cut to split screen of woman on phone on the left and man on phone on the right – note as the woman yells louder and louder, obviously cursing, the man pulls the phone further from his ear. The last words the viewer softly hears is you'll pay for this you miserable (cut to silence).

Advertising Target: Men

Video – in a view from the back a man is standing in obvious pain if front of a toilet (loud groans heard in background). In his left hand he is holding a cup and when it is about ½ full he sets the cup on the tank lid, zips up (loud zipping sound) and groans loudly again.

He picks up a small bottle that is sitting next to the cup and adds two drops to the cup. When it turns red he yells something unintelligible and stomps out.


Do you experience a burning sensation when urinating, or a white, yellow, or green discharge from the penis? Or do you have painful or swollen testicles? Can’t get a Dr.’s appointment until next week? Try Chlamydiscope*, the home test kit for Chlamydia and Gonorrhea and you will know right away if it is time to make a few calls.

Video: cut to split screen of man on phone on the left(man is looking at the floor with fear, talking softly and is attempting to reason with the woman) and woman on the right – note look of shock on the woman’s face as she slams the phone down so hard the glass on the table breaks from the impact.

The study is real, the ad's, well, that is my sick mind at work but I would not put it past the drug companies if they thought they could pull it off.

* TM

Saturday, January 19, 2008

No More Nooses

Most of you could probably care less about what is happening in the golf world but shame has been cast upon the world of golf journalism over the past 2 weeks.

First the Golf Channel, now Golfweek Magazine. Didn't any one learn anything from Imus or is it just the engage mouth shut off brain mentality in which so many people in the spotlight seem to be so proficient?

Kelly Tilghman from the Golf Channel started it all when she stated on January 4th that the only way to possibly stop Tiger Woods would be ....“Lynch him in a back alley.” She apologized 2 days later and was then suspended for 2 weeks after 5 days after the statement (after Rev. Al Sharpton had his say).

Now, in a rare double whammy for a sport that rarely sees controversy (Augusta a rather large exception a couple of years back), a senior editor at Golfweek decides to put, of all things, a noose of the cover of its January 19th edition, with the caption "Caught in a Noose" as a reference to the Tilghman story inside.

Even though Tilghman has been suspended (further action may be forthcoming) and the editor was fired, the stain will not disappear with a few sensitivity classes at the Golf Channel.

The evidence of racism in this country (not to mention the world) is all around us, even if these two individuals spoke and acted inadvertently, as I believe they did. In the long run we are all responsible for our actions, what we say and how we say it and when it does not escape the "gentlemanly" game of golf our world is indeed in a sad state.

Friday, January 18, 2008

Tax Rebates For One And All (if you are rich)

In a bold move today, "W" (for those of you not familiar with this letter it stands for the goofball in the White House) announced his plan to right the American Economy.

At first, he thought his advisers were talking about erotic stimulus and he stated that he wanted no part of that because Laura might find out. They had to bring Cheney in to convince him that it was the economy that needed his attention.

So, he announced a plan to provide somewhere between $140 and $150 billion in tax incentives for business and relief for individual taxpayers. He called the stimulus "our most pressing economic priority."

In obvious agreement (?), the reaction from Wall Street came quickly. In an enthusiastic show of support for the Presidents plan, the Dow took an immediate dive, down over 63 as of mid-day.

Maybe he should have stuck with the plan for erotic stimulus.

In related news the price of chocolate on the open market seems to be plummeting, leaving investors puzzled. For some reason, the consumption of the tasty treat seems to have dropped significantly with no explanation.

Wednesday, January 16, 2008

Virtually Us

I went to the Dr. today, a virtual Dr. It told me I had a virtual illness and we talked about a virtual cure and then I got a virtual bill that my virtual health care won't pay.

I told the Dr. I would pay with virtual money.

Then I talked to a virtual tutor, teaching some virtual child virtual math. His virtual parents must be virtual idiots.

My question is this, aren't there enough jobs lost in outsourcing? Now we have on-line medical advice from someone in India along with on-line tutors for our children.

Maybe I can get my next prostate exam virtually, I wonder how that would feel?

Mielikki, maybe you should start a virtual nursing service once you back in business.

Tuesday, January 15, 2008

Send Me $50.00

OK, I know you probably won't send me anything.

OK, I know you will absolutely not send me anything.

But I still think it may be worth $50.00.

OK, maybe $10.00.

What is it you ask?

It is my latest recipe (I have no name for it yet, just made it up today (OK I stole it from others and just enhanced it but as long as you change it, it is always yours)).

You see, one of the reasons (besides just sitting on my fat ass) I gained weight while we were visiting Kaos West was I did eat rather well and one of the fine dining establishments (plug here so maybe they will send me $$) we patronized was Pho Van.

It had been awhile since I had had any Vietnamese food (1967 to be exact and that was fish head soup, rice and rice wine - we ate with the local farmers frequently) so we went out to eat at a place recommended by #1 Son (and NanaK).

It was good.

And I learned something. When we got back to Counciltucky (Nebraska people call it that because of the inbreeding in western Iowa - like Nebraskanz don't do strange things with corn), we found some edible Vietnamese Rice Paper, just like we had at Pho Van.

So today with a break in the temperature (it was 30 degrees F.) and with 2 to 4 inches of snow predicted over the next 2 days we grilled some fish (talapia) and shrimp and had rice paper wraps for din din. And let me tell you, it was gooooooooooooooooooood!

So here what you do.

Combine 1/4 tablespoon cumin with 1/4 tablespoon paprika and 1/8 tablespoon cayenne and 1/4 tablespoon kosher salt for each talapia fillet being grilled (add a little oregano if you like). This is the "spice it up" mixture

Pour some olive oil on a plate (don't be shy) and coat both sides of the tilapia in it. Then take the spice it up mix and coat both sides of the fish. Let it sit for appx 1 hour.

Got to give credit where credit is due, this mostly came from CamiKaos.

Now, get about 20 to 25 (serves 2 with leftovers) medium to large shrimp (fresh or frozen in shell) and remove shell and tail.

In a small bowl combine the juice of 1 lemon with about 1/2 tsp of freshly ground pepper, a sprinkle of kosher salt (maybe about 1/4 tsp) and about 1/2 tsp of granulated garlic, not garlic powder (caution, do not use garlic salt, there is a difference). This is all to taste and is based on the number of shrimp.

Marinate the shrimp in the mixture for a minimum of 1 hour.

Now, you can chose whatever ingredients you want for the wraps.

I used the following ingredients:

1/2 Mango, julienned

1/4 cucumber, julienned

4 green onions, grilled & sliced

1/4 red onion, sliced

1/4 cup cilantro

1/4 cup spinach leaves

Also good with this would be apple, bean sprouts and pineapple.

Now, grill the talapia for about 3 to 4 minutes per side.

Skewer the shrimp and grill for 2 to 4 minutes (until pink).

Cut rice paper rounds in half.

Boil about 4 cups of water and place in a container that will maintain the warmth.

Dip the rice paper in the water for about 5 seconds and fill with with chosen ingredients (the shrimp is really good in this) and wrap.

You can use store bought sauce to enhance the flavor (like hoisin sauce) or make the following (I recommend the homemade but of course I'm am somewhat prejudiced):

Shred about 1 tablespoon of fresh ginger root.

Mince around 4 large cloves of garlic.

Combine with 1/4 cup of soy sauce (Kikkoman light is good)

Add a couple of drops of sesame oil (be careful this is powerful stuff).

Mix well and let sit for an hour.

Spoon the sauce into the wrap or use as a dip.

Serve with Jasmine Rice (rice can be added to the wrap, served on the side or both)

Remember this recipe serves two (with a few leftovers for lunch).

If you like it, send $$ or just leave a comment.

Nobody's Going To Care What George Bush Thinks!

Nobody's Going To Care What George Bush Thinks.

As Jon Stewart said on his show last night, "I like the sound of that".

Nobody, as in all over the world.

So what in the hell makes him think anybody cares now? Or ever cared?

And what did he do today? He put on a robe, tried to look like an Arab.

He looked more like the dipshit that he is, futher embarassing our country!

Monday, January 14, 2008

Check this out!

What's Up

We spent the day moving, relocating. No, not out of the house, within the house. We got this bright idea that we should have a "reading/TV" room.

A place to go when we need to be alone (I Vant to be alone, dahling), or just want some peace and quiet.

Where to put it, we asked?

Well, we have this room upstairs (people normally use it as a bedroom) where I usually write all of this crap and we have this "bonus" room.

That is where we keep a lot of our "stuff".

You know, things that we have but don't use frequently, like our big cast iron pot (we use it to cook Gumbo). And lots of boxes of stuff, just stuff, 38 years of stuff (not complaining, dear).

So, we took all of our "stuff" downstairs and there it sits right now.......has not made it to the basement yet (we have to rearrange things there also).

Then we cleared out the former "office".

Oh, I forgot, we had to run power to the "bonus" room, and the cable. We had that done on Saturday.

So, we cleared out the office and now I sit in the new office (took me an hour to get everything working again so I could write this). Earlier I watched TV in the new reading/TV room (a guy's got to watch basketball you know).

So we have our new furniture in the living room, our new office and new lounge. Spending to keep our economy healthy, the American way.

Saturday, January 12, 2008

Liars Never Win (or do they?)

This person lied to 23 people (a Grand Jury).

So Marion Jones will spend 6 months in prison, submit to 2 years of supervised probation and perform another 800 hours of community service (she has already completed 200 hours).

Now I do know that she did more than just lie to the Grand Jury. She was also a participant in a check fraud scheme and this is most likely why she will be incarcerated. But the first thing the media mentions is the lie. Lots of people lie.

This one lied to 6,602,224,175 (the world's population).

Of course this was not his first lie. Another whopper he told us all (remember WMD's) got us into Iraq shortly before this picture was taken. That lie has cost the lives of over 150,000 Iraqis (latest estimate) possibly over 600,000 (earlier estimates) and there have been 3,214 American combat related deaths since 3/19/03 with 3921 total casualties. This does not include the 28, 822 with physical wounds. Mental anguish, who cares, it's just a part of war right?

So, for his crimes against humanity what is his sentence? He got re-elected and will have a nice comfy pension with SS protection (that's Secret Service not the infamous Schutzstaffel - although there is another group that may be similar to the latter).

Doesn't quite seem fair does it?

Friday, January 11, 2008

Did You Hear What I Said

How in the hell can we be married for 38 years and not use the same vocabulary?

That was a question thrown at me by NK this morning.

She was sorting laundry.

She asked me to get her something. It was a laundry hamper, my hamper.

I heard would you get me a laundry basket.

I said no!

You know those MasterCard commercials......well the look on her face was "priceless".

She just stared at me (but it wasn't the "look").

Then we both realized that she said hamper and I heard basket. She said she was about to knock my block off. I went to get the hamper.

You must understand I was not refusing to get her what she wanted, I knew that if I was to bring her the basket it would not do her any good because yesterday we filled it full of junk to get ready for some electrical work that will be done tomorrow.

Thursday, January 10, 2008

Don't Come Looking For Me

I'll be honest.

Lately I have struggled (other than cell phones and toilets) with subject matter. You see, my kids are all grown so I cannot talk about the cute (thanks KiKi, that was great and little K has done the same type of thing) things they do ( although I probably could write for quite some time about the things they used to do but they could return the favor so I won't).

I don't work anymore (retired) so I don't have any interesting lazy ass work stories either and local politics are boring (even the local paper ignores that subject).

So, what do I do? Well, I pay attention to my surroundings and I think about things. What things you ask?

Things like why Kerry endorsed Obama and not Edwards and will that help Obama more than it hurts Edwards (you see Kerry was the loser in 2004, so does one loser help another to lose?) or just the opposite.

I think about past elections and Presidents and where they came from (possibly more on this later if I think I can find some humor and make it more interesting that in sounds).

Since JFK, every Presidential candidate from Massachusetts has failed. RFK (OK, technically he was from NY but his family was from Mass.) was killed, Dukakis, trounced and Kerry, well you know the story. So, Mass. presents losers on the Democratic side. So what good will a losers endorsement do now? I guess we will have to wait and see.

What about those from Illinois? Well the only one elected from Illinois was assassinated. No, not Reagan, even though he was born in Illinois (and someone took a shot at him), he was elected from Santa Barbara, southern California (the Republican part of the state). I'm talking about Lincoln, Abe, Kentucky born but from Illinois.

Now we have a popular candidate from Illinois, also not born there (he was born in Hawaii). What will his fate be?

Note to any Federal Agents reading this blog, this is just a question so there is no need to question my family and neighbors (though if you want to, let me know so I can put my house up for sale and take advantage of the celebrity that will come from the exposure. You see, we would like to move to Oregon and we could not sell our home last year).

I wish no harm, I pose no threat, I only wonder if some whacko will take their opposition to an unacceptable extreme. Let's hope not.

I also wonder why the press calls McCain a war hero when all he did was get shot down and become a captive of a poor country that kicked our ass. A war hero does something above and beyond (and generally is an act of insanity). While I respect his sacrifice, he is not a hero.

Lastly, I wonder why we say someone "allegedly" escaped from jail? Were they once in jail? Yes? Were they released from jail? No? Were they still in jail? No? Did someone with a shotgun walk into the jail and tell Barney Fife to open the cell? Yes? Where was the person when he was next seen, in jail? No.

Then cut the crap, the asshole escaped, he did not allegedly escape since he was no longer in custody so quit with the civil rights shit, criminals have no rights.

Tuesday, January 8, 2008

Listen Up


Did you hear that?

Maybe you are to far from here but I definitely heard it. So did NK and our eyes got wide when we did.

I'm sure you know the sound though maybe not under these exact circumstances.

The sound is "CLUNK" and I looked like this right after I heard it (if you don't have a strong stomach you may want to turn your head or close your eyes and scroll quickly because it is not pretty. It was before my shower today, didn't even have any coffee).

That's a snake in my right hand, being inserted through the bottom of the bowl (toilet, that is).

Other tools were used, only the snake was successful and the result, was shall we say, a little poopy:

Yep, that is a cell phone, passed away on 12/14/07 - may God have mercy on its electronics.

Saturday, January 5, 2008


1. Create a new file folder on your computer

2.. Name it "George W. Bush"

3. Drag it to the recycle bin.

4. Empty the recycle bin.

5. Your PC will ask you, "Do you really want to get rid of ‘George W. Bush?"

6. Firmly Click "Yes."

7. Feel better instantly.

Next week we'll do Dick Cheney.

Friday, January 4, 2008

Homeward Bound

Sadly (and may I say somewhat thankfully since we will be glad to be back in our own bed) we must leave the land of Kaos West today and will head back to suffer the remnants of the caucus's (or is that cauci?).

As a last hurrah there was a kaotic Wii golf event last evening pitting Jesus, Buddha and, and,


All shot Par on the first hole, with Buddha dropping a stroke on number two. While Buddha continued to drop strokes through the 9 hole event, Jesus and Lucifer were even through the fourth hole. This is when Lucifer decided to get smart with Jesus and God smote her (yes me hearty's Lucifer is a female). After a double bogey on five and an apology to God, the big L was able to make a birdie putt and take the lead on number six and remained in the lead until the ninth and final hole.

Pause to explain this hole.

Number nine is an extraordinary hole, unlike any par five I've ever seen. From the tee box to one of the landing area's you must hit a solid drive over water to an island fairway. If you are brave (or stupid and I vote for the latter), you can go for the green (another island) in two. I would only attempt this with a gale force wind at my back.

So, you lay up on the second shot to one of two other island greens and go for it on your third shot. This is where L went astray. You see normally Lucifer takes a very aggressive swing but for some reason her (remember the devil is a woman) third shot (with an iron) came up short and went into the ocean (oh, too bad). While the fifth shot safely landed on the island green it needed to go in the hole to have a chance to win the match.

It did not, L two putted for a double bogey, Jesus just missed his birdie put, came in with a par and beat the devil (that evil woman) by 1 stroke. Buddha was 5 strokes back.

So until summer, the big L can practice to see if evil can overcome goodness. Until then, so long Wii.

Wednesday, January 2, 2008

"We Fucked Up The End Game"

When it was over, everyone in the theater just sat there, did not twitch or move a muscle. I can only assume that like me, they were absorbing the message or maybe some were just too stunned to leave.

I can only say that I was frozen, even though I knew all about it and have often thought how it might have been, I could not move. All I did was stare at the names rolling down the blackened screen. I may have been sitting with my jaw dropped but I'm not sure.

Now I have never done this before, review a movie that is, and I may never do it again. I'm probably not very good at it, don't really even know how to go about it. But damn, what a fine movie Charlie Wilson's War is.

We get to know a little about the type of person Charlie (Tom Hanks) is as he soaks au naturel in a hot tub with a schemer and 3 rather fine looking young ladies (all nekked). The schemer is trying to sell him on some kind of TV show with one of the young ladies as the star. He wants $29,000 from Charlie.

Charlie is a hard drinking, skirt chasing (and catching) Congressman from Lufkin, Texas and he does not come across as one that would be challenged to make a difference in the world. According to Gust Avrakotos (Phillip Seymour Hoffman) Charlie's most impressive accomplishment had been to get re-elected five times.

Then antagonist Joanne Herring (Julia Roberts) convinces him that he should visit with the President of Pakistan (ironically introduced as "not having killed Bhutto") in an effort on her part to increase the funds Congress has provided to support the Afghan insurgency against the mighty, atheist Soviet Union.

And so it begins. This is a genuine, funny and heartbreaking look at how one man convinced Congress and an odd pairing of Israelis and Muslims to covertly fund the demise of the Soviet Union in Afghanistan (and subsequently in the world). It is also an insightful look at how this country does business. If only we had not fucked up the end game!

While Hanks does his usual fine job, Hoffman is outstanding and should win the best supporting Oscar. If you have not seen this movie you are missing one of the best.

Tuesday, January 1, 2008

Change is in Order

So, it's a new year, 2008 so I'm told. It's the time that people with good intentions (some not so good) say that something will change in their life. I don't do that anymore but I have a few suggestions that others may want to consider.

There is a guy that lives down the street from my daughter, his job involves some type of holistic medicine.

No, I don't know what that really means.

It must be some kind of voodoo.

Anyway, this guy works about one block from his house. Get this, he drives to work, drives home for lunch and drives back to work. I have seen him do it, numerous times.

So, my suggestion to him, get off your fat ass and walk to work.

This is for no one in particular, I just happened to overhear a conversation on the street (while I was walking).

Scene 1.
Lady coming out of un-named but plentiful all over the place coffee shop bends over to pet the butt ugliest pair of dogs. Both dogs are wearing coats, one pink, one black.

Lady: Oh how cute (gag). Are they lovers?

Stop: what in the hell is wrong with her, they are dogs for christs sake, if the one wearing pink goes into heat, the one wearing black will become her lover (that is unless one or the other or both have been spayed and/or neutered in which case the one in black will try anyway).

Dog owner: No, (see Stop, above substitute him for her), they are brother and sister.

At this time (I'm still walking, away from them thank God), I stop listening but here is my suggestion for the dog owner. Get rid of the damned coats, (that is unless you are using them to pick up women and if you are you should continue on with the "lovers" discussion. Don't you know a good lead in when you hear it).

But you know, now that I think about it, I could have had it all wrong. What if the one in pink was the male?