Monday, July 16, 2007

Mixed Bag

NFL season just around the corner

Hello sports fans, did you know we are just a little over a month away from NFL football? Yes, that’s right, in just about 6 weeks Sunday’s will be dominated by the NFL once again. Depending on your time zone from 10AM (Pacific Time) for about 9 hours you will have non-stop football each Sunday until mid-January. Oh, don’t forget about Monday Night Football and the occasional Thursday night game, not to mention college football Saturday. Stay tuned, this reporter will keep you informed of all of the NFL news, including which NFL star is the latest to be arrested.

In other news:
Catholic’s on parade
The Los Angeles Archdiocese has reached an out of court settlement in the amount of $660,000,000.00 (that is six hundred and sixty MILLION DINEROS) because some priests could not keep their hands (or other body parts) off (or from within) children entrusted to them. This is in addition to the $157 million in settlements by the Boston faithful and the $219 million from the Portland, Oregon pricks. Do we see any kind of a trend here? And we are just talking about the Catholics, who is keeping tabs on the rest of the other denominations?

I hope it was good

Police in Columbia S.C. are investigating how a naked couple fell 50 feet from the roof of a downtown office building to their deaths. The bodies were found on the road by a passing cabdriver around 5 a.m. Wednesday. Clothing was discovered on the roof, leading authorities to suspect the man and woman, in their early 20s, may have been having sex.

I guess we can expect another execution in China.

Chopped cardboard, softened with an industrial chemical and flavored with fatty pork and powdered seasoning, is a main ingredient in batches of steamed buns sold in one Beijing neighborhood.

Defamation of character

And finally, my brother believes that I have defamed his character and he now intends to sue me. Below is the note I received from him yesterday followed by my response.

I am at mother's place reviewing your web log. Obviously, I will never get the chance to run for President after this (as Beer & Wine Party nominee). I have retained Johnny Cochran as my legal counsel in order to sue you for this defamation. You have obviously pasted my head on a picture of Barishnikov, or some other ballet dancer. Although I must admit the subject of the picture does look graceful, it is NOT ME!

Johnny will be contacting you soon.

Your brother,

My response:

You may have already left Mother’s (sounds a little uppity, I just call her Mom) but I just wanted to let you know that I am looking forward to hearing from Johnny. I haven't spoken to him since I swapped gloves with him quite a few years back and I have quite a few more pictures to show him that I'm positive he will enjoy.

If you can’t be president, maybe you can try for first laaaaaaaaady, you do resemble Jerry Lewis a little in the picture.


mielikki said...

LMAO! Uncle B, president, I can picture his platform now, 'better living by chemistry'. Would you be his running mate?

DaddyKaos said...

I'd think about it, being VP is just like being retired. Cheney has set a precedent so I could say/do anything I wanted (and shoot anyone I wanted). I guess the next best thing would be Attorney General.

CamiKaos said...

Oh that zany uncle B. I could give you 20 other reasons he couldn't run for president. They are probably many of the reasons we all love him so much. But he would probably cry foul and drag his loving niece into court to.


CamiKaos said...

Oh, and... If your "brother" (if tht even is his real name) sees fit to contact you again you might want to let him know that his "niece" left messages on two of his phones and sent him e-mail because I got word he wanted to talk to me but I STILL haven't heard back from him.

Not very presifuckingdential if you ask me.

Bubblewench said...

Go Eagles!! Summer camp starts in about what 2 weeks?? pre-season FOOTBALL! WOO HOO!

I'm kinda lost on the whole brother thing.

sybil law said...

Best post ever.
I am so laughing.
Adn what gets me about the Catholic stuff is, LOOK at how much $$$ they HAVE! How much money should it take to preach about God?! Why do they have so much?
Anyway, I don't need to get started.
My favorite post.