Not Something to be Proud Of

I'm going to set the stage a little by telling a story. It's real, only the names have changed to protect the guilty.

It was back in the mid-70's (that 1970's not 1870's). My cousin Meg and her husband Dick had moved to Turkey Town and we started getting together on weekends, discussing world events, playing games (mostly cards, canasta if I remember correctly), breaking bread and just having a good time.

Sometimes we would take our 2 Irish Setters to their house so they could romp with M & D's Old English Sheepdog, Opie (real name). A couple of times we dog sat for them and got real tired of Opie rubbing his ass on our couch. And the size of his stool, well let's just say it was as if a bull was in our back yard.

We got together up until the summer of 79 when I started traveling.

Now to start the story

All the time we spent with M & D, did not prepare me for what a sick fuck D could be. Maybe he wasn't back then, maybe he just evolved over time.

Anyway, we stay in touch these days through email. He sends me stuff, some of it political, some informative, some funny, some sick and some of it is just down right disgusting.

It was after he started sending some of this that I realized he was just another dirty old man with a bit of a tilt to macabre.

You see he send me a picture the other day, one so disgusting and frankly scary that as a public service I will not post it here.

But I will describe it, hopefully to save someone in the future.

The picture was captioned

If you will, picture a nice plump Ballpark frank. It is not yet cooked.

Now to continue, imagine yourself taking a long pair of tongs and picking the Ballpark up at one end, about 1/4 of the way from the tip.

While holding this picture in your mind, take the frank and hold it horizontally just above a bed of flaming coals, rotating the frank around and around.

Keep it there until it looks like a long piece of charcoal from front to back. The tip you are holding with the tongs, while not quite normal is still somewhat pink.

Remove the frank from the coals and set it on a white plate.

The picture was real, it was taken at a hospital.

The caption was:

Never urinate on a 220 watt, 3 phase electrical fence.

I can't close my eyes without seeing that picture, thanks D, you SOB.