A Christmas Letter - Day 9

Hey Shit-for-brains:

Don't you get it? Are you some kind of sadist, enjoying the misery you know you have put me through? About 10 minutes ago nine guys showed up; said they were the Piper brothers and they all have some kind of flute. Someone told them there were eight maids and a willing young thing at this address. Said the guy that tipped them off was named Nick.

Oh shit, one just said something about a skin flute and the other eight just dropped their drawers. Now all of the maids are all on their knees (I guess that means those two are bi-sexual). I had to lock myself in the basement to get away from the ninth brother. The only reason I was able to make it was because with his knickers around his ankles he tripped and fell.

Now, with all of the racket, the cows have stampeded and have crushed quite a few of the birds. I think one of the brothers is a butcher on the side. I heard him say something about fresh meat and he headed off after one of the cows.

If I don't get evicted I'll never know why.

I'll get you for this.

Ms. Holly Chrisp