December 25, 2007
Dear Sir:
This is to confirm the arrival of your latest, and hopefully last, gift. Unfortunately, the police were unable to get to Ms. Chrisp before she managed to set off the claymore mine and empty the banana clip of her assault rifle.
I am therefore sorry to inform you that the twelve fiddlers are no longer with us and based on that you are now considered to be an accessory to 12 counts of murder since despite her numerous requests you would not stop harassing her.
Enclosed are two documents, the first being a copy of the warrant for your arrest and the second a restraining order instructing you to keep from within 200 yards of the Napa Unit for the criminally insane, where Ms. Chrisp temporarily resides. The guards at that facility have orders to shoot you on site if you are seen in the vicinity.
I would also like to relate the last sane words of our client as heard by the SWAT team responding to the devastation: "I'll cut his nuts off and force feed them to the cows if I ever see that miserable, low life scum sucking douchbag asshole again" which she repeated over and over until she lost consciousness.
MERRY CHRISTMAS,
Albert Halfwit,
Senior Partner
Halfwit, Dimwit & Bawlsac
Attorneys at Law
Encl.
Tuesday, December 25, 2007
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4 comments:
And so it ends. . .
only 365 days until Christmas!
that was really fun. thanks.
So did you copy those insults from the lines I threw at my husband recently?!
Haha
Merry Effing Christmas!
That was a great 12 days!
Big Daddy K, I'd just like to offer up a prayer of thanks for CamiK--I'm sure your other daughter is just as wonderful, but that CamiK is something.
Incidentally, my sister also told my last boyfriend, "I'll cut his nuts off and force feed them to the cows if I ever see that miserable, low life scum sucking douchbag asshole again," after she found out he'd been cheating. I wonder if she was associated with this "esteemed" firm.
Happy New Year's!
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