A Kaotic Mystery

It all began about 2 weeks ago. You see, there was a true to life mystery in the house of Kaos, east.

Something was missing, something important.

There was a search, the whole house (well almost).

NK had misplaced her debit card and she did not know where.

She could not backtrack.

She knew she had it when she bought some stuff, even had the receipt. But no card.

Being the good hubby I did not mention how upset I was that she could be so careless with something that important. I helped her look, no luck. So my husbandly advice was…..call the bank, cancel the card.

Of course about an hour later guess what she found? What, you don’t know, well of course having canceled the card and with a new one coming, there was the card, underneath some paper on the kitchen counter.

But that’s not what I came to talk about. The true mystery, well that happened yesterday since you see NK has still not received her new card and we are headed for the land of Kaos west on Sunday.

So as the kindly hubby I made another suggestion. Maybe she should call the bank to ask if they had been so kind as to post her new card yet.

Being the good wife she went downstairs to get her phone (you see we do not have a land line anymore, only cell phones) and place the call since neither of us had our phone upstairs.

While it becomes moot at this point I will let you know that the bank had not yet mailed the new card and now we will get to the point of all of this dribble, her cell phone went walk-a- bout, disappeared, left the farm.

As in nowhere to be found.

Looked everywhere but where it is. It became unsettling.

Tried the old dial the phone, it will ring and we will find it. Nope, straight to voicemail (this was a clue that led me to believe that the phone, even if found would not be working anymore).

Where the hell is it? NK is somewhat angry, she knows it is in the house. I’m wondering if, after the call there was a failure to disconnect, still eating up the minutes.

We know it is not in the washer (a load of clothes was started shortly after THE CALL) because it was stopped and a strip search performed. Also not it the dryer, freezer, refrigerator or dishwasher.

I call the provider and no, the line is not active so at least it is not gobbling up all of our minutes like the pig it can be. NK is still trying to remember, hoping it’s not old-timers that is preventing her from remembering what she did, where she put it.

Once again the house falls victim to the search. Drawers are rifled, some more than once. Chairs are turned over, furniture moved but nothing but a single solitary dime turns up.

I give up and then look again. Frustration, anger, where the hell is it?

Then it comes.

The toilet epiphany.

Seems that the toilet is clogged. I hear a single muffled Oh Shit, then silence, then Ohhhhhh.
Where the hell is the plunger, NK asks with a knowing look.

Could it be, might it have taken the dirty dive. Unless we find it somewhere before we leave, we can only assume that the phone took the plunge from her sweatshirt pocket and clogged the loo. We will not know for sure until our return from Kaos west when the extraction surgery is performed. You see, yon twa-let will not unclog with said plunger.

So, if you know someone that works in Customer Service at Sprint and they tell you about the woman that called and said her phone was lost to the sewer gods, that was NK. They may have stopped laughing by now.

And if there is any moral to this story, it is that I should just keep my mouth shut and not make any kindly suggestions since you see my friends, this is all my fault. At least I know what to get her for Christmas…..a 1980 ‘s style "brick" phone that won’t fit in her pocket or go down the drain.